Are You Mentally Resilient? Why Some of Us Flourish and Some Don't
Inherent traits help some people flourish in face of hard times.
Posted August 19, 2022
The study of mental resilience and mental strength hasn't only been a focus by researchers in positive
psychology over the last several decades; in fact, it's been a popular topic of exploration since ancient
times. Myths, religions, stories, and fairytales have explored how individuals can not only overcome
numerous obstacles in their lives but flourish with an abundance of positive outcomes as a result.
For instance, in best-selling books like The Hero’s Journey (Campbell) and The Alchemist (Ruiz), heroes
and heroines faced enormous obstacles and setbacks time and time again. However, they emerge
stronger on the other side with transformation and enlightenment. In addition, spiritual scholars across
cultures have also explored the journey to mental resilience and human strength despite adverse
experiences.
According to Dr. Carolyn Myss, religious scholars have also been fascinated by how religions convey
messages of mental strength and resilience. For example, various religious figures and mystics such as
Abraham, Buddha, Jesus, and Moses share common stories of abandonment, betrayal, alienation, and
exclusion from their families or communities. Yet they flourished in the end, despite a litany of
adversities.
Real-life examples include Dr. Victor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, who faced both
devastating losses and inhuman treatment during the Holocaust. Yet he became a leader in the field
of psychotherapy and argued that if one has meaning in life or a purpose, one can survive any
circumstance.
He, like many mentally resilient people before and after him, was transformed by seemingly impossible
setbacks. We all know of those in our personal lives and beyond who have made “lemonade out of
lemons,” so to speak, and have grown and inspired others in face of quite dire circumstances. What
makes them different?
What Resilience Is, and What It Is Not
Resilience is defined as patterns of positive adaptation during or after significant exposure to adversity
and risk. What makes some flourish in adversity while some crumble, chronically break down, or lose
their spirit during long-term stressful times? What causes a songwriter, for example, to discharge his
heartache over a lost love while still creating a product that can help heal others?
The answer is not straightforward because other variables may contribute to a lack of resilience,
including earlier unresolved traumas, in some cases, along with environmental factors. However,
researchers argue that resilience is closely linked to inherent personality traits linked to adaptability
(Lester & Godwin, 2021) and emotional maturity, and adaptive defense mechanisms (Metzger, 2014).
Many theorists believe that mental and emotional resilience—the ability to be adaptable and flexible—
is something that one is to some extent born with. These traits are observable in young children and
tend to be consistent during one’s life.
Although different criteria have been used for studying the facets that decide resilience (Masten, et al.,
2014), mastering various developmental tasks has been used as a standard. In children and adolescents,
the presence of things like social and academic success or prosocial behavior are used to determine
someone's level of mental and emotional resilience.
These factors are critical because they are largely common across cultures. In most societies, children
are expected to get along with other kids, regulate their emotions, and follow the rules of school and
home. The ability to adhere to these social norms early on is not only indicative of their potential
success as adults but may also be indicators of mental resilience and the likelihood of more positive
outcomes vs. negative ones.
Mental Resilience and Emotional Immaturity
Unfortunately, not all individuals have the inherent benefit of these traits that are linked to emotional
maturity. Those with less mentally resilient traits may in fact be emotionally immature and show
maladaptive defense functioning.
This means that they may experience and cause chronic internal or external emotional distress and
drama, fail to successfully regulate across situations (outbursts, interpersonal problems in relationships),
may have “failed to launch,” and exhibit toxic and abusive behavior in families and groups. They may
exhibit high conflict as a result of their emotional immaturity, both linked to psychopathology and
negatively correlated with resilience.
Conversely, those with emotional maturity and adaptive defenses help “turn lead into gold” or make
meaning of the painful experiences in their lives. Simply put, emotionally immature people may lack the
ability to navigate the world constructively due to their inherent personality traits.
Mental Resilience and Psychopathology
Mental strength and adaptive and effective defense functioning are associated with the absence of
psychopathology, positive mental health, psychosocial and emotional maturity, occupational success,
and meaningful relationships (Valliant, 2000). Mentally resilient people have “psychological tool kits” full
of various tools.
In some cases, these tools can be called traits (Lester & Godwin, 2021). A trait is a united set of
behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that are useful in managing a wide range of diverse life experiences
successfully. The ability to assess reality clearly, and utilize and have full access to traits to obtain the
best outcomes is key. However, those with psychopathology, and particularly personality disorders, tend
to struggle with resilience due to their inherent deficits (Godwin & Lester, 2021).
For example, in a “disordered” personality, such as that indicative of antisocial personality disorder,
negative consequences are created because their exclusive trait is exploitation and the most important
deficiency is in honor. Therefore, someone with this personality may have continual agreement
violations in relationships such as cheating, deceitfulness, lying, consistent work or financial
irresponsibility, and impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
Conversely, a mentally resilient person would be able to self-correct, have empathy for a person they
violated, and would change their behavior to stop negative consequences (financial problems, loss of
relationships due to repeated infidelities). In short, mentally resilient people can recognize and solve
their own problems.
One thing is for certain: Life is full of trials and tribulations. However, the way one deals and responds to
these continual challenges in life will decide whether have more positive outcomes (thriving, flourishing,
or transcending) or negative ones (bitterness, blame, chronic anger, or breakdowns). Mentally resilient
people have enough diverse personality traits to allow them to be flexible, adapt over time, and
properly adjust their responses to have more positive outcomes than negative ones. They tend to learn
from their mistakes and can make meaning of the negative events that occur in life which is essential to
good mental health and well-being.
7 Signs of Mentally Strong & Resilient People
So, how do resilient people bounce back from setbacks so well? Often, by exhibiting the following
characteristics:
- They deal with reality for what it is and deal with challenges directly.
Mentally resilient people take stock of facts, research, and feedback from professionals and loved ones.
They do not mentally alter history or reality, nor believe revisions to events that have happened. Dealing
with reality often includes planning and seeing the situation clearly and frequently conferring with
others so they are prepared for the consequences of their behavior and for whatever life throws at
them. - They accept the consequences of their choices.
They take responsibility for their actions and the effects of their decisions. They don’t ignore hurts or
pains that occur as a result, and they don't adopt a “victim” role by blaming others for problems they
cause themselves. They are also self-compassionate toward themselves during hard times, knowing they
are making an effort to do their best in any given circumstance. - They possess the ability to self-monitor.
Self-monitoring means that one can have an awareness of their behavior, feelings, and thoughts, and
regulate their feelings and responses based on the demands of the situation. Proactive about their
issues, they reach out for help for problems. They take responsibility for their actions and see how their
actions affect others. - They possess the ability to self-correct.
They adjust their responses in any given situation to produce positive consequences. Because they learn
from their mistakes, they produce more positive consequences in their lives than negative ones. They
are reliable and consistent in their responses and limitations. - They can make meaning of their past hurts and experiences and have a spiritual framework to make
meaning of the bad things.
Transcendence is key to resilience. “One cannot solve a problem with the same level of consciousness
used to create it” (Einstein). Mentally resilient people can transcend their negative experiences in many
ways by making “lemons out of lemonade.” For instance, according to Valliant (2000). Beethoven wrote
his Ninth Symphony by channeling his despair over his deafness; in the process, he transcended his
challenges into a beautiful contribution to the world of music and art. Mentally strong people often try
to use their experiences of struggle and hurt to help others. - They do not engage in affective realism; they can access feelings and facts at the same time.
Affective realism is basing reality on what it feels like. In this pattern of thinking, emotions overrule and
can affect how one perceives content and determines reality, which may be distorted because it is
based on a purely emotional lens.
Although mentally strong people can be overcome by emotions like anyone else, they engage in reality
testing. This is the ability to recognize the difference between their internal feelings and the external
world. Therefore, they can access their rational minds consistently. Accessing your rational mind after a
short period and applying facts and logic to a situation is paramount in both emotional maturity and
mental resilience. - They deal with their pasts; they don’t bury them.
They can recognize and deal with emotionally distressing events in their pasts, as well as recognize that
their pasts may be affecting their current functioning. Symptoms of “burying” emotions or traumas can
include overeating, eating disorders, alcohol or drug use, or other compulsive or problematic behaviors.
Mentally strong people seek professional help or find some other way to metabolize their pain such as
connecting with trusted loved ones, journaling, or seeking out healing via self-care. By being able to
process these events and disappointments or traumas, they do not accumulate into larger-scale
problems later in life.