Yes, definitely make room for more supportive people regardless of his attitude/behavior. I’m 30 plus years with my wife. I was in recovery when we met, and she didn’t drink. After a horrible brush with death, she vowed to have more “fun” in life. She was a vegan triathlete at the time. Anyways, she’s not one of us, but she can get nasty when she drinks. Plus our social life really changed when she started drinking (20 years ago). She’s always been the one who planned our social life. We started hanging out with other drinkers. I feel like I lost my best friend. At that time I didn’t have a support group. This time around I have a sober team! I also make sure to schedule some social plans with my sober family. She’s kinda ok with it. It is what is. I hope you can work things out, but for sure you need to take care of yourself
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the insight from other married couples. It would be much easier to ‘break -up’ with someone than get a divorce after 20yrs together. I’m not sure how to navigate this next stage of life.
There’s so many “stupid” but amazing quotes that I picked up in AA that truly do help. First things first and one day at a time come to mind. As well as let go and let God (or whatever floats your boat). I get that it’s complicated and challenging. Staying sober is the best thing you can do today
Wow …. That is profound … & deeply meaningful to me
Hi Nat, I was married 15 yrs & my revelation was that sometimes the people we become are no longer compatible with our significant others. A true partner will be supportive in your life, choices, passions & desires even if they don’t agree, especially something as important as sobriety. Communicate your feelings & hope for the best but know whatever the result life will be infinitely better sober!
That's a hard situation
To thy own self be true: It took me awhile to realize that the relationship I was in was toxic and the foundation of it was built on drugs and alcohol, when I was sober was when we didn’t get along well. But my ego and pride wouldn’t let anyone including myself tell me that it wasn’t a good relationship to be in or that it didn’t bother me if she still drank and did drugs. In reality it bothered me a lot and eventually I saw that it was toxic and not gonna change so I left. I think that the answer is up to you and what makes you happy as well as how much do you value your sobriety. Relationships are difficult because I believe that if you love someone you’ll be there through even the darkest situations but when you’ve exhausted alll efforts it’s a different story it can’t be one sided