On August 2nd, 2023 - I was done with my life. All intrusive thoughts were attacking me. My car was repossessed and I couldn’t go buy drugs about it so I had to face what had been coming for months.
I had to break to get better. I knew better and couldn’t stop myself. I knew I couldn’t consciously take my own life so I found some old benzos that I knew would help calm me down. I fell asleep and when I woke, the intrusive thoughts started back in immediately. I took more pills, walked to the liquor store and decided to start planning how I would end my suffering.
At some point I blacked out. My family had been so worried about me after hearing the news and luckily some of them had come to check up on me. I don’t remember everything, only bits that are jumbled in my memories. I ended up in the hospital. When you’re unsuccessful in a suicide attempt you are forced to make many decisions, 1) whether you would like to be charged with the crime
2) whether you would voluntarily go get treatment
3) you will ultimately have no choice and be forced to go to treatment.
The best part was finding out about a month ago that the whole ordeal costs me about 15k added to my overall debt. Funny what originally was stressing me so much to end my life has ended up worsening my finances but sobriety has saved me.
I’m 5 months and 11 days today. Last night I went to dinner with a friend, who is still a heavy user. I know it wasn’t the smartest decision but I’ve isolated myself from everyone and everything since the incident. I had to get out of the house and just do something. It was a great night and I’m still sober. I’m stronger every day and although it hardly ever feels that way, I am starting to love living again. 
A sober mind with the help of proper medication has made me learn to love myself. 🫶
I hope everyone has a great Saturday! And enjoys my 3 beautiful boys 
and thanks for sharing … it’ll bring hope to others 