If there is a true god, I ask that he stands with me and for me in times when I should be able to simply say to another person "you are wrong, i am leaving now" and step into a new and better experience without suffering for standing in honor of the truth.
I experience repeatedly dire repercussions when i have done this because the situations arise frequently. Its affect on my spirit is damaging but in many occurrences it is either cower or leave and suffer. I need the help from a higher power.
My faith has been completely shaken to its core. Some days i wish for death but what i really wish for and truly want is a healthy and happy life, the opposite of death - i want something i see freely given to others, even those who cause intentional harm, and it confuses me.