Back at day 1. I was trying harm reduction instead of just being sober and that doesn’t seem to be working for me because I end up over doing it. Nothing bad has happened like dui or anything like that, luckily. But I know I hate myself the next day when I do drink. 
I’m sad and disappointed that I can’t stick to not drinking. I know they say one day at a time but I feel like I need one moment at a time. Ugh.
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Hi Andrea! What exactly is harm reduction? I googled it. Looks like maybe it’s “controlled” drinking. If so, that may work for others, but that’s not a good solution for alcoholics. I know the word alcoholic doesn’t sound very pretty, but it’s just a word. If you learned that controlled drinking doesn’t work for you, then that’s a good lesson to learn. Nobody likes to come to or accept these conclusions, which is why many of us struggle for years trying to deny this reality. However, there is a solution, and there is life after alcohol
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I remember making those “reduction” deals with myself.. just one tonight and nothing tomorrow…. Well ok, two tonight and I won’t drink until the weekend… if I don’t drink all week I can have a 6 pack this weekend and then be good. Only whisky tonight and only a glass… that turned into a 30 pack and 1/2 a bottle of bourbon every time. It’s good you have “yets” I have a full list of them. As Lee said, alcoholic is just a word. But we who know the struggle will freely give the tools and suggestions given to us to help you.
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Thank you! Your words are helpful.
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Heya, know it’s probably not what you wanna do, but when you want to drink go to a meeting. We have all been there. Being around a bunch of other drunks who feel shame like you is like a weight lifted from your shoulders. I never really want to go to a meeting but always am glad I did after. We’re there for ya. 
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One day at a time was too much for me also. Then I went down to a minute. So I continuously throughout my day finding myself saying “ great job Gavin , you are sober right now , this minute” ; good luck!
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Thank you! That’s really helpful!
It is one moment at a time. Trust me, I have been there so many moments!
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You need to get the drug out of your system and regain homeostasis. Then, you will begin to see why you actually drink. Before you detox, you’re just feeding the beast.
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Sometimes complete sobriety takes a couple times
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You're not alone. The self-loathing I feel waking up after drinking lasts days! We're in this together!
I’m right there with you. Back at day one for the 100th time. I always self loath the next day but I’m going to try my best not to this time.
When you self loathe so much, you begin to normalize it and accept it. When that happens, it's really hard to "mean it" when you tell yourself "never again". The last 5 months for me, I have for the first time ever, meant everything I've said. The mental part was the hardest part, getting over, which I work on daily, by going to meetings everyday and talking to my sponsor everyday. People say "relapse is a part of recovery", I feel like this is normalizing that and almost saying it's "okay". It's not okay, it sucks. Maybe a better way to say it is "UNFORTUNATELY relapse is a part of recovery sometimes". Don't be mad at yourself, set yourself up for success with a strong support system. Find a meeting that works for you and go as much as possible. Go make coffee at the meetings, talk to some old timers who've been around the block. Replace the sh7t in your brain with good stuff.
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Andrea,
Do you know why you drank? It's called believing the LIE;
That this time, everything will be okay. But it never is, is it?
Next time you think about drinking you should 1st, call someone that you know has long-term sobriety and talk to them about it. The other suggestion is to play the scene all the way forward.
What happens if you drink? You may feel good for a short period of time but sooner or later you will be right back where you were before you picked up that drink. Now you will have to carry more guilt around with you like you're doing right now and you will have accomplished nothing. Now you have to start all over.
Quitting drinking does not really make us feel better right away. It's what we're doing after we quit drinking that makes us feel better and gives us quality of life.
If you take a horse thief and get that horse thief sober what do you have? A sober horse thief. Do you see my point? The transformation that I needed in order to stay sober was found in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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I tried that control thing yes only one today none tonight. Never worked because I was so physically addicted that if I didn’t drink I would be sick.
I am going to be very honest with you. You made need to be medically detoxed and put on medication to not drink that is what saved my life. Now I go to meetings everyday and I reach out everyday. I also try to help people that reach out to me daily. Helping others keeps me sober. Don’t give up.
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I am only at 2 months without a drink this time. But I am more committed than ever to make it stick. I am not thinking of it as “I will see how long I can go” anymore. I have quit drinking period. When I get the urge I just remind myself of why I will not drink. 1. I can’t control it. 2. I don’t want to be disappointed with myself. 3. I don’t want to waste another day of my life being hungover. You got this!
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Thank you!
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Be kind to yourself! Having a slip one day doesn’t erase all the days you made it through sober and you have those!
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Btw…Naltrexone helped me immensely. It wipes out cravings. An online doc can prescribe it. I’d be dead if I hadn’t learned about it.