After a year and a half sober I relapsed. I destroyed my longest sobriety time. For a while after the relapse I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. These feelings ate away at my soul and my alcoholism justified it was okay to drink the sorrow away. It wasn’t until I had a few days sober and a glimpse of clarity that I realized that I kept drinking because I relapsed. The recent trauma of losing my sobriety drove me to drink, so I WAS DRINKING BECAUSE I DRANK. It just goes to show how cunning this disease is.
This time around I checked my self into a rehab where I had only ONE responsibility- to work on myself and reflect on what I didn’t do right and signs before the relapse happened. This was very necessary and allowed me to look deeper on my unresolved traumas that make its way to my present day disguised as anxiety and fears. With honesty, brutal honesty, I can look through my ego and have the courage to acknowledge things I’ve suppressed and make peace with.
This relapse was an eye opening experience and I am grateful for it.
