Bad news for me. Over five years sober and I relapsed today. Went to grocery store and bought a BIG bottle of wine. I have done half the bottle. Recovering from surgery, Mom 90+ years old, feel awful even before drinking and wish I would die. But wouldn't be so lucky.
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I got sober in southern California where they don't pay you on the back and say it's going to be ok. No, they said to me when I cried to "get off my pity pot and call your sponsor, get to a meeting, get in service, etc. You are obviously in the problem, not the solution. I suggest starting the steps over and reread the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Talk to your HP multiple times each day. Go to meetings. Who is going to take care of your mom if you succumb to your disease telling you it's ok to drink. Five years is a common milestone for relapse, but we must rise above such c a,y thoughts. How many people in the program did you call before you bought the wine ? Get on the phone and into action ! I'll be praying for you. 
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AA is the lifeboat. Get in and don't let go !!!
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I was also sober for a year and k had a family member die recently that devastated me, it’s an excuse of course but I needed to numb the pain and it’s been a downward spiral from there today is my first day sober and I’m fighting for my life, lets do this together!!
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The amazing thing is, you can recognize you made a slip and move forward! all of those days didn’t count for nothing, you’ve come so far. You can keep going! Don’t let it get you down. We’re all rooting for you.
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Karen, don’t beat yourself up over this. You still have 5 years.
Start today with day 1 let the counting begin. Remember only today matters in sobriety.
Yesterday’s gone, tomorrow’s a mystery. Today I’m sober.
Work those steps if you want to remove the urge to drink.
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Thank you Kevin. That's exactly what I have been trying to do. It was never a good thing for me to beat myself up. That always lead to more drinking.
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Thank you all for the encouraging and kind replies. It means a lot to me.
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You have more yrs under your belt than I do. We all stumble. I don't have any great words of wisdom. You face it and move forward. I never did all 12 steps but I found a good AA group and it helps. Good luck I think you got this
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