Been working a lot on forgiveness ,and I'm finding the hardest person to forgive is myself ,it's not that easy to sit and think about the things Ive do e ,things I put myself through , especially when it comes to my adult children ,I usually write my thoughts down ,and tell myself what I need help with ,then go back later to read it as a reminder .I'm learning that just because I grew up in a chaotic lifestyle where certain things were tolerated from people as a child and we considered it to be normal behavior,doesn't mean it's actually the right way to do things .
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Guess I'm teaching myself to how to get threw it ,I'm realizing more and mire that living with chaos growing up made me feel like I had to live in it as an adult ,not sure why ,but every time things started going right for me in my adult life,it made me feel like it wasn't right ,that I had to cause trouble ,I needed the chaos to feel like my normal ,I felt like the arguing ,fighting and the abuse was needed to make my life feel my normal ,
I'm tryna work on doing things different now ,tryna understand that it's ok if things are going well ,that I don't need drama to feel like I'm normal,
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It’s amazing how many things we thought were normal until we started looking at them honestly.
Forgiving ourselves can be harder than forgiving anyone else. Never give up