I’m having a really hard time today. This is the first birthday I’ve spent sober since I started drinking over ten years ago. I can’t really put a name to what I’m feeling. I think that I still feel like I lost so much time, & I hate myself for it. Even though I know that I’ve made so much progress, not to mention I can’t change the past, it’s still painful. I’m just feeling very alone. And my old friend alcohol loves to tempt me when I’m feeling alone.
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The first of hopefully many sober birthdays! Don’t be so hard on yourself. There will be many firsts sober, some scary, some thrilling, but the one thing is you can wake up with a clear head and remember.
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Happy sober birthday 
! Sorry you are struggling with feelings of loneliness. Learning to feel connected takes time and practice. Learning to feel ok just sitting and doing nothing took me over 6 months, and still kicks my as$ sometimes. I think it’s so awesome that you are sober on your birthday! That is such a blessing! Have faith that you will feel better as your recovery progresses 
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Stay strong Rachel! I can relate so much to this, I started at 17 and got sober at 28. My first sober birthday was ROUGH, I felt so bitter, I tried to drink my seltzer out of a wine glass to feel more fun, just made me angry and resentful, the sober hangover I experienced the next day was unreal, full of emotion. But I felt it and let it pass. I too looked at alcohol as a best friend, a buddy, a comfort, and when I got sober i definitely mourned the loss, a friend, or maybe even me. You got this girl! Alcohol is NOT our friend, keep fighting! 
See Rachel there are so many people here that see you. Everyone is pulling for you. And you are in my prayer list. StayWell and happy birthday.