Hello, I was wondering if anyone had advice for dealing with a break up during sobriety. I am 1 year sober but feel like this break up Is a major set back in my progress.
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Lean on your fellows. Make many calls and texts each day. You will be helping them as well giving them opportunities to be of service. Also, pray for the other person as per Big Book page 552. Even if you don’t want to. after 10 days or so you will be amazed at what this will do for you.
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Recovery is all about learning to go thru the highs and lows of life without drinking/drugging. This is definitely going to be a major test because all the feels are very intense. Now is a good time to lean on your support. Now is a good time to get out your pen and journal. You can do a gratitude list and some positive affirmations too. Now is a good time to remember that the universe has a plan for you. Sometimes the universe wants us to take a little step back or sideways, so that we can grow, change, and learn. Most everyone I know looks back a year after a break up and says it was the best thing to happen. None of this will make the uncomfortable feelings go away, but hopefully by practicing all your new coping tools, it’ll take the sting (intensity) out of it enough to push thru without relapsing. Just take it a day at a time and don’t judge yourself for feeling icky. You are just human…a sober human
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This is a time to focus on yourself and your own growth. I went through a break up after I hit one year sober, it wasn't easy.
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I am going through the same situation myself.
Why me? Why did God make or allow this to happen. God doesn’t promise your stories will make sense but he does promise they’ll find their greater purpose if were patient.
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My primary advice is to feel it all. It will be rough, but you’ll get better at handling negative situations. Over time the amount of energy set backs take from you will lessen.
Also, take the time to study new ideas; read philosophy, religious text, something you always wanted to learn about. It will keep your mind occupied and could help reveal new mechanisms for dealing with hardship.
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Get to meetings
Talk to your sponsor
Work the steps
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Dig in harder to your recovery than ever before
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Keep busy and don’t rush getting into another relationship.. I did twice and it hurt too much.. It’s been 2 years and I’m not in any rush god will send the right one in time.. Meetings helped me a lot my home group I miss them terribly.. One day at a time!!
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It's only a setback if you let it be.
Go to lots of meetings and keep busy. Reach out to new people. You can pray if you want but I'm pretty sure "god" isn't interested in helping you or anyone else with their love life, thinking that will leave you hanging. Please reach out to you AA people. Check out women's groups. They really look out for eachother.
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Thank you for asking this question! I’m also going through a breakup after 3 1/2 years of sobriety. Going through this wide range of emotions as a sober person feels wild and this is the first time I have felt nearly out of control of my emotions and my response to them. I’m getting a lot out of journaling. It’s helping me work through what possibly may be happening and it helps me get through moments where I feel unmoored. Every day and every moment is different. Right now, I know I just need to maintain my sobriety.
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Hello Natalie,
Breakups in sobriety hit a lot different then we were drinking. Our emotions and feelings are real and heightened. Best advice I can give is to find a group of sober people who you can become friends and share your feelings and experiences with. My experience has been money, relationships and family and is what causes us to relapse. How’s your daily reprieve? You working AA 12 steps? Stick close to your sponsor if you have one. If you are Sponsoring, find a couple more to help. I find that when I’m buried with Sponsees I’m not stuck on thinking of myself. Hope some of this will help. Have blessed day. This shall pass….
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If I were the one asking this question. What would you tell me?
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Move on. Find some sober friends and jam pack your days. You'll find the right one. Every jar has a lid. Chin up Dahling.
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Focus on what is best for you! It’s not selfish putting your recovery first. Nothing is worth your sobriety! Stay strong
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Women's groups! You can vent away and maybe identify patterns that will help you move forward.
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Thank you. I just went to a women’s AA meeting tonight .
I hope it helped! It's not easy. Try and stay focused on the positives!
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Break ups are hard in general, and in sobriety it is best to lean on all the people you have in your sober network especially with the emotions that come with it. This to shall pass. Go to some meetings and see if there is fellowship afterwards.
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Doesn’t have to be. For me AA works. I’ve had severe depression sober and didn’t want to drink. Drinking got really bad for me. If I do it again it will be as bad or worse.
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