I need help. I'm a 58 year old alcoholic and I am struggling to get sober. Behind that smile is a broken woman. 
I am suffering from loneliness and depression. Since childhood my relationships have all been mentally and physically abusive. I've lost 2 brothers in the last few years to suicide. The last one has been gone less than a year. We had a very harsh and unusual upbringing, physically and mentally abused, abandoned, and exposed at a very young age to things kids should never see, hear, or be part of. I numb myself thru alcohol because I am afraid I will not be able to cope mentally. I am several years divorced after a 20 year marriage (lived the dream of having it all). I am a blessed mother to 4 grown successful adults. And our relationship has been affected by my alcoholism. The eldest son has nothing to do with me. I love my kids very much, and I am so tired of disappointing them. I have managed to salvage the 3 kids relationships, but now my eldest daughter is lovingly cutting me off as well till I get help. I don't want to lose them. I am a loving caring mother, but I don't love myself. I work FT at a job I love and with people who are like family. But at the end of the day I mentally shut down and cannot handle my reality of the world I live in, behind these walls. I have missed work due to my alcoholism, I have lost everything I worked so hard for. Ive been thru treatment centers and have suffered several mental breakdowns and suicide attempts, resulting in being committed. I have had to start completely over in the last few years. My mind and my body is starting to shut down. My days are numbered if I don't stop. No one here knows of my suffering and addiction. So I isolate and rarely leave home, only to go to work. I've lost my driver's license for a year, and rely on public transportation and friends. I am independent, work hard, and I'm a good person, but alcohol has had its grips on me and my family for far too long and it is destroying me. This is my plea and hope for help 
by meeting others who understand or can relate to what I am going thru. I am grateful there is an online support system for those who are unable to go to meetings or receive inpatient treatment. Any words of advice and support would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Lynn
Lynn I’m sending prayers 
please go to meetings , double them up if you have too. Share your thoughts and feelings. The fellowship will be there for you 
Thank you so much.
Thank you. I know for this to work it is going to take a huge effort on my part and a desire for change. Thank you for your prayers.
My advice to you, take a leave of absence from work, check yourself in to a rehab and save those relationships. A job will do you zero good if you lose the ones left that you love.
Thank you.
Can any women on this site please help her out?
Thank you for listening.
I 100% agree with Josh Ua. Get to a dual diagnosis treatment center that can treat your alcoholism and your mental health. There are other jobs if the one you have won’t support your need for care.
Hi Lynn, so sorry for your loss and I’m glad you’re here with us., if you’d like to start reading the AA book and start the steps I’m here to help. I know they continue to help me with my sobriety. Much love
We're the same age I know grief well, have suffered untreated alcoholism for 10 yrs until I had to humble myself and ask for help. My family stepped up found me a 30 day rehab. Without treatment you cannot process your childhood traumas. For me, I HAD to go away, it was the best decision I ever made
Your picture shows a beautiful smile. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. Praying for your happiness.
God bless you Lynn. I’m convinced that the roots of our addictions come from trauma, whether in childhood or at any time later in life. I encourage you to get in touch with whatever spiritual force you believe works for you, to start just there, asking for guidance, wisdom, strength, etc. Sometimes all we can say is just “please help me. I don’t know what to do.” The most emotionally desperate place is the beginning of healing, even just the first little step. AA is good, but there are also many other spiritual groups out there for people in recovery from all types of addictions. After a time of just abstinence (maybe inpatient treatment is needed) it will be time to start addressing your childhood traumas. If you have the ability financially, or with insurance, I would seek out a therapist that understands the journey of processing those traumas. IFS is an awesome approach that has helped me, especially with the ability to be compassionate with myself. It stands for Internal Family Systems. The most important elements for me are to start with a spiritual grounding, and lovingly (to yourself) go from there. And celebrate every single positive thing you do for your own health.
Thank you John. Made it thru another day yesterday, back at work. Very good suggestions I need to reconsider.
Thank you Mary. Appreciate your reply. You're absolutely right.
GM Connie. Thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate that very much.
Thank you Teresa, I definitely need to seek help, looks like I'm in the right place that can lead me in that direction.
Thank you Edward. Prayers are appreciated.
So happy to hear from you! Let’s stay connected. We don’t do this alone anymore…..
Hey Lynn, I am also suffering from an illness due to my driniking. There are two great rehabs I have been to. The first is SOBA in New Brunswick NJ which allows you to detox if necessary. If not, they have a residential program and Sober homes. The staff both in the residential care and sober homes are great. The medical staff is the best I have seen yet. The second place is a dual diagnosis wellness center that offers groups on substance abuse and SI, Bipolar, borderline schizophrenia depression and anxiety which helped me through many of the mental struggles that I have delt with. Contact me if you would like to chat and or learn more about these facilities.