I am trying to stay sober for my kids. Ive been pretty successful at it until my boyfriend got released from prison. He was gone a year. We had just had a baby and i was sober because i got pregnant and decided to get my life together for my children. He continued to use and didnt contribute to this family but i chose to forgive him and stick by his side while he was incarcerated. He promised changes and agreed staying sober was the plan. Since being home he has not kept any of the promises he made to me. I let him know his sobriety effects me. If i relapse i lose my oldest child and the one we have together. I understand its hard and we make mistakes but i dont see any effort to change. I wont let him go and nothing ive tried to do is helping. He continues to use and i end up relapsing. I dont want to give up on him. I also cant risk my children for someone who isnt willing to do their part. I cant let go because i truly love and want to help him but his actions and decisions are triggering me until i eventually cave in and use as well. What do i do? How can i help him? Does he even want the help like he says he does? I need to know im not just harming myself and possibly effecting the relationship i have with my children for someone who doesnt really want to put the drugs in the past and be a family.
Hi Jen.
I'm five years sober and I too got sober for my child and that lasted 62 days. There was a man mixed in there too, another relapse. Once I decided that I deserved to have a healthier life than my parents gave me and I'd given myself, I surrendered to God and reached out to AA.
You're answering your own questions throughout your story. Lose your daughter or stay with an addict? Stay dedicated to the man can get high but not help the family?
A sick person can't get a sick person well. Sobriety is an inside job. Focus on the health and safety of yourself and your children. Feel free to message me if you want to focus on recovery. Good luck🙏🏽
All you can do is pray! In order to keep your sobriety, you have to have boundaries. I am a momma who was deep in addiction also and we have to protect our babies, cause nobody else can like we can. If he wants to change he will, but you are not going to make him. He will get it when he is ready. He will have you high again before you get him clean. Let him go, if your family is important to him he will find his way back. Surrender him to the God of your understanding, pray everyday, and the hardest one is trust the process. Keep your head up and stay positive.
Jen, this is such a hard place to be, and it makes sense you feel pulled in two directions. Loving someone and knowing they’re not good for your recovery can feel like your mind and your heart are fighting each other all day.
A lot of this isn’t about you being strong enough, it’s how attached we can get, especially after everything you’ve both been through. Being alone can extremely scary. Trust me, I've been there
Right now the most important thing is that you don’t try to carry this by yourself. You need people in your corner who are focused on your sobriety and safety. Other ladies on Loosid, start adding those women who engage with you. A sponsor be great, women’s meetings, Al-Anon, or a codependency group can really help, because it’s about learning how to love someone without losing yourself.
Stay in today. Or the moment if you have to. Keep posting others orders in to support you. You matter just as much as anyone you’re trying to save. Always here for you