Can’t stop drinking don’t understand
Hello Raymond. I remember that feeling and the thoughts. The only thing I found to help, was to say ," I can't stop drinking. I need help. I can't trust myself. Surrender and seek help friend. Have faith you are not alone. There are wonderful people who trained and passionate about helping. Saved my life. Take care and stay with us. Reaching out is a great start.
You have to find the helpers like Sally said. Treatment is your best option if you can’t stop yourself.
I went to rehab and it saved my life.
Trying to understand addiction to alcohol or any substance is like trying to find logic in a world war or understand a homicide.
Your not alone there are plenty of people as well rehabs that are willing walk with you.. just not for you. your not alone. 
I had to spend time with sober people at meetings before I could stop drinking. The meetings taught me what I didn’t understand about alcoholism and living a life without drinking.