I keep returning to alcohol no matter what I try. I'm going to lose absolutely everything and I can't stop turning to the only source of my issues. I don't know how to stop hating myself and all the issues I've caused for long enough to start fixing everything. I can't even trust myself, so how could I expect anyone else to?
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Change your people, places and things 
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Have you tried going to meetings and honestly sharing? I suggest getting a sponsor and work the steps like your life depends on it (because it does). The first thing that worked for me was the last thing I tried. I didn't think that AA would work for me. Now I owe my life to the program.
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@zachary411709 Not to be a 
it's all mind over matter. Alcohol doesn't mind and in its eyes you don't matter.
Face the reality of it. You're allergic to alcohol.
Yes, try AA give it a chance. If it works for me and countless others it will work for you.
I was a chronic relapser for 30 years. After Arrests, family embarrassments and feeling terrible that I just couldn't stop, I finally decided that no matter what, I wouldn't drink or smoke pot. That I'd call my friends before deciding to drink instead of telling them afterwards. Keeping sober is definitely easier now that I'm older and not working; for me it was deciding no matter what I wouldn't drink and making plans for future occurances that I know will upset me (the death of my elderly mother and dealing with my siblings). I tell my friends now what I will need from them, and I'm sure they will be there for me. You can do it with support!
Been there done that too! Finally I got serious and went to in person AA meetings every morning (early before work) and every night for way over a year. Got sponsored and did the 12 steps multiple times. Worked like a charm. 17 years sober today.
I’m here if you’re ready and want to talk or have any questions
Surrender to your higher power, give ALL your burdens to him, believe and trust and see him take that craving and desire away from you 
rejoice in tribulations because you're more than a conquer in Jesus Christ your strength 
Take care of yourself. No1 else really gonna do it, shuga.