Checking in on day 813~ I decided I’ll use this as my daily check in. It’s crazy how even a little over 2 years you still get these waves of emotions of extreme highs to lows… at least for me. Yesterday I felt upbeat and super positive and today I’m just blah kinda sad. I had a close friend relapse over night last night and I’m not sure I know how I feel about it. I’m still processing it I think. I’m almost hurt or upset that they didn’t just talk to me about it. I know they had made their mind up but I dunno I can’t help but wonder had they reached out the results would have been different. I know I can’t control others and need to leave this to God but that’s so much easier said than done. It’s hard too because we would do daily check ins with each other and keep each other motivated. It’s just gonna be strange not having that anymore. I’m gonna do my best to try to be positive for the rest of the day and just find gratitude 
in all the blessings I do have. I can only control me. I need not to worry what others choose for themselves. Keep fighting the fight 
Waves of emotions…
There was a time not long ago when I couldn’t deal with my emotions. Worse yet, I wasn’t even aware, or honest enough with myself to acknowledge them. It was just numb, run, and escape from all feelings.
What a blessing…to be sober for 813 days!! Congrats! What a blessing to be aware of these emotions, and have the tools and support to process them. As for your friend that relapsed, I too had a good sober buddy go out earlier in the year. He came back quickly, but it took me a few months to “trust” him again. In retrospect I believe I judged him too harshly, and like you…I was upset he didn’t reach out to me before he picked up. I prayed for him to be sober and happy for a few weeks. That helped me overcome my “weird” feelings. You’re doing just fine! Keep up the great work 
thank you you are 
right about being aware and actually processing and using the tools I’ve learned in sobriety to work through the feelings and emotions.
Great job putting your thoughts and feeling in writing so well. It shows how in control and mindful you are.
Awesome
Great share Courtney. I can relate ❤️🩹
I can totally relate to, 2 yr and 9 month in. Had similar feelings this week when a young kid (old teen) who attended our group killed himself last week. It’s a lot to process, but you are right. We can fix everyone else, as much as we might want to.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 
Thank you
Thank you