Coming to terms with the fact that my wife doesn’t love me anymore because of my actions and the way I treated her during addiction and that I lost her and I’m not getting her back
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I’ve had to accept the exact same terms in my life but know that nothing in Gods world happens by mistake. This statement comes from the AA big book and I’ve found it to be true. Keep doing the right thing and just don’t pick up. Who knows what God has in store for our lives as long as we don’t use and try to live in His will. I pray you have a good day and that this doesn’t bring you down
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Thank you for those words they really helped but to Me provide a little more insight. Her actions are showing no signs of love left for me, but but she continues to say that she does love me and I’ve made it clear that although she needs her space and I will back off. But in that time I will also continue to show her positivity, and that I wasn’t lying down and giving up until she tells me that she doesn’t want me anymore. she refuses to talk to me but she hasn’t said those words yet. so I don’t know  whether to give up and save myself lotta pain because this is consuming me, or if I need to just stay strong and let her  work through her stuff. Bc she deserves happiness from whoever she wants it from after what I put her. Through
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We must be rigorous of ourselves and tolerant of others.
Can you please elaborate on how I would apply that to the situation?
You say to yourself; “I’m committed to my lifelong sobriety, and this relationship”She’s probably tired of hearing about it. Do the right thing for the world. Do this for your well being. Your life. If she leaves she leaves. Time to get serious and do the right thing when no one is looking. To be tough with yourself and tolerant of others. You don’t get to remanifest her love over night. Wait to chat with her about your relationship when she’s ready. She’ll ask. Weeks, months, etc.
Be about it. Give her space. Do the right thing. Be tolerant of how she feels and how she’s acting.
Thank you
You’ll be amazed what’s waiting for you, when you put your head down and do the right thing for your life of sobriety and well being.
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What in tf are you guys talking about? Are you implying, by saying "nothing in God's world happens by mistake" that this fellas wife being disgusted by his shïtty actions as some sort of divine plan? Are you insane? In the same breath you talk about "God's plan" and also accountability. Has the whole world gone mad? Please knock it off with the misleading supernatural büllshit.
Your wife is sick of your shït, plain and simple. We have all experienced this. It's not some divine plan, but yes, it DID happen for a reason. The reason is because you were a drunken/addicted scumbag. But you are NOT alone. We have all been there. But you don't wanna be there anymore and you wanna get better, right? Stay focused on you getting better. Be honest with yourself and for fücks sake, do not listen to people who tell you that this pain is part of your god's plan. If so, you need to go god shopping, it appears the one you have is defective. Or maybe he's just a jérk. If you constantly tell yourself that pain is part of god's plan, you could develop resentments and never hold yourself accountable.
It's time to get better, my friend. You're at the bottom. It's time to look up, but not up to the sky, just up a little higher than where you are. Hang in there.
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I’m sorry you are going thru this my brother. First things first. You must get and stay sober. Love and relationships are way too complicated for me to give you any advice. Take care of yourself first, and encourage her to do the same.
I went through the same thing. I lost absolutely everything I put before my sobriety. And even though I put my head down and my sobriety first she did not return. That does not mean it won’t turn out differently for you. However, you mustn’t concern yourself with what she may or may not do. Your number one priority has to be your sobriety. If there’s a chance your marriage is saved it will be because you become the person you were always meant to be. And you have to do that on your own. Focus on you. Put your sobriety first and always try to do the next right thing. You will amaze yourself and you will be amazed at what can happen!!
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Have you worked the 12 steps of recovery yet? My relationships didn’t change until I worked the steps. It’s very different now but I have a peaceful relationship with my partner/wife and is overall good
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Work on yourself and always remember one day at a time
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I second what Eric said. My drinking destroyed my first marriage. We did not reconcile but I honestly believed everything turned out the way it was supposed to. We actually both are happy with new partners. Trust the process.. focus on being the best version of yourself you can be.
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Work on your sobriety. Life will work itself out
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I’m in the same boat right now, and the first couple of months of mental instability really hurt my relationship even more. Be curious and SERIOUSLY listen to these people when they say put yourself first.. overall, it’s going to be your choice on what Your outcome will be. We’ve all done horrible things to ourselves and our loved one’s in our active use.. your thoughts and feelings are so scrambled and the best thing to do now is gather whatever tools you can to stay SOBER and Grow. I’m facing 5 years right now and I definitely will lose my partner, imagine that it could be worse buddy.. Practice replacing those negative things with the ones you know you should’ve done, right now!! It’s never too late…Although we will lose people, & materialistic things in the process. I’m sorry that you’re going through this but no one but yourself can get you out of this horrific situation that you put yourself in, only yourself. LOVE YOURSELF AND DON’T RELY ON ANYONE TO FIX YOU. Do your research but mostly try to understand where you’re at and where you want to be next. Also don’t bug about the relationship because she lost that connection, respect, trust, and a large portion of that love. Show her you’re not doing it for her, but for yourself and your future even if she’s not apart of it. Hit me up if you ever need to talk man…