Complete Mental Breakdown

Is the week over yet? As someone with late stage liver disease I am bending over backwards to juggle a full time job and my medical commitments.

It takes me several weeks (6-8) to schedule anything with my hepatology team and I desperately need an endoscopy. Last minute, we agreed it would be this Friday.

Well, they just changed it to tomorrow. I spent 45 minutes on them, had to explain to my gastroenterologist’s assistant an endoscopy is “a camera that goes down your throat, not up your rectum” and after having Monday off and medical complications preventing me from work yesterday, I simply can’t just bail on work tomorrow (I am borderline ready to be fired as it is).

I am spent. My days are long and uncomfortable, I spend thousands of dollars on medical care and am underpaid, and I might as well let my liver atrophy if this is how one of the top transplant hospitals will treat me.

What do I do? I need to stop crying so I can lead a work call. I’m not thinking of a relapse but I am having a breakdown that’s bringing out rage, horror, sadness, and I legitimately don’t know what to do.

Any words of advice?

Hi Colin, although your road is difficult today, it will not stay that way forever! Squire some faith and seek hope from your family (if any) and friends …it will suit you best if you seek acceptance of your situation and allow for changes …expect them to happen and this will ease your reaction to them…..i used to hate change as well …today it is just apart of my living experience….tomorrow wake gently limiting your brains intensity and treat the day softly and gently….try this authentically……it WILL help…Keith Kayle

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