Confessions of an alcoholic/addict…. I almost broke my sobriety.. It

Recovery
#1

Confessions of an alcoholic/addict…. I almost broke my sobriety.. It hurts to admit that almost happened. It’s been an extremely tough 2-3 weeks with major changes in my life. I’m moving into my own place for the first time in my life, and it’s a bit scary.

What’s most scary right now is the emptiness inside my old home. It triggered some major demons and bad memories. Being in a mostly empty home reminds me of when my ex and I went through our separation. I had cried on the kitchen floor, curled up with a bottle of Jack. I drank till I passed out in that very spot. That was the beginning of my spiral.

Last night, I went to the grocery store to grab some items and found myself standing still in the middle of the alcohol aisle. I contemplated it. It had been so long since I craved alcohol. I hate that I felt that. I grabbed a pack of 6 donuts instead.

I sat on the kitchen floor eating all 6 donuts, crying … mind you, I am 2 weeks away from my competition. Not good. I hated myself for doing that. I felt I failed in any choice I made last night.

While eating 6 donuts is not a great choice to make 2 weeks before my competition (or in an situation should you probably not eat 6 donuts in one sitting), I didn’t grab alcohol.

I stand, with my paddle, riding the fck out of this storm. This monster thought he could get me when he saw that I was weak and thought I couldn’t withstand the storm… Btch, I am the storm… Let’s ride #stillsober #fighter #strength #resilience #courage #letsride #sober #soberjourney

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#2

These feelings you have, I have been there. Continue to push through, I'm not sure if you're into meditation but I find that helps me especially in the instances where I feel I need to take that drink. You can also reach out to your support system if you have one or anybody on here. Keep fighting the good fight Samantha and hit me up if anything.

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#3

I appreciate that

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#4

You are an inspiration in your actions. You not only fought the storm but can share about it. That to me makes you incredible. Keep up being awesome.

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#5

6 donuts or a bottle of booze… you made the right choice indeed! The fear will fade, you will know a new freedom and peace, I believe in you. Keep up the fight, and scream into that storm!

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#6

Powerful stuff

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#7

Wow, this was so powerful.:yellow_heart: thank you so much for sharing this with us, Samantha. I’m so proud of you!

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#8

You got this! Thank you for sharing!

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#9

I live in an empty house that I used to share with my woman. I feel her often in there , But it’s me and my dog and trigger memories of my ex.
Do you think it would help if I moved to new digs?

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#10

Wow. This is strength. Thanks for sharing! I am newly sober (again) and facing a hard decision to divorce my spouse after 10 years. I have actually envisioned myself wandering my empty house after he is gone. Wondering how I’m going to handle the crazy mixed up emotions. I’ll remember the donuts when the time comes.

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#11

you look exsquite want your workout routine

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#12

Or just say let it rain and enjoy the shower and find it cleansing and cathartic.:slightly_smiling_face:

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#14

I reach for doughnuts when cravings hit, too. It's always better than drinking. No matter what. Thanks for sharing, and your strength.