I am ready to leave AA. I had a sponsor that guided me through the steps which I am very grateful for but was very verbally abusive and was trying to control a lot in my life that I grew hate for him and lost all respect for him. In my heart I want him dead but can't sleep cause I know that two wrongs don't make anything right and I should not feel this way. Of course I let him go as a sponsor and won't have absolutely nothing to deal with him. But I'm also thinking about changing my fellowship of recovery and also moving out my recovery house to the shelter if need be.
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It is unhealthy to have thoughts of harm to self or others. Continue with the program in a different way with different people of long-term sobriety. You can also try other mental health programs like your local chapter of NAMI, which often has free programs or groups related to all forms of mental health, such as chemical dependency, grief, depression, obsession, compulsion, or any other mental health issue.
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I appreciate your thoughts and opinions but I want to be clear just because I felt that way in my heart doesn't mean that's what I will actually do or wish to be done. I am recovering addict that went through a very bad ordeal with someone I'm was suppose to trust cause they was my sponsor. So in the end it crush and hurt me badly that I needed to share where I was so I can continue to recover. And because I spoke of my emotional state at that time just makes it clear I'm still recovering and still go through things on life terms in and out these rooms and process. So if you miss understood my post I apologize for not being more clear on where I was in my process of recovery.
I’m here if you someone to talk to
Find a different sponsor.
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Thanks
I did
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Not all sponsors are the same. Find another one and don’t give up. Your worth it.
Maybe you could stick with the usual arrangement and find a sponsor at a women's group? That may be what you need.
I wish I could and that was the plan but after yesterday especially last night I realized that I need to leave
You have to do whats best for you!
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Hey Porshia,
We do need to be safe. I am sad that was your experience. My experience is that my sponsor basically never told me what to do. She did strongly suggest that we talk first, if I was thinking of drinking. The we would use the steps for me to decide what my next course of action would be. If the book told me to take actions the she would suggest we follow what the book says. Other than that I would do what I did. If there were trouble we would again use the big book for directions. If things were good the we would share in the joy. This approach worked wonders for me. It was never her opinion or advice. People are fallible. Know that there are people in recovery that really care and don’t use manipulation or control or anger to help. Praying for you
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