Could use some advise/thoughts

Recovery
#1

So my addiction came hand in hand with major dissociative depressive disorder. I was in a bad place halluncinations, suicidal ideaations, zero self care, zero hygene.
Still managed to keep a 60hr a week job running a warehouse.(needed money to buy booze and cigs of course)

Sober about 7 and a half months, first 4 months in treatment and halfway house 1800 miles from home.

Moved back up north got a new job and I find my family constantly asking if its okay if they drink (wine with dinner ect ect). I have told them and my therapist told them during a family session this puts unwanted stress on me by making me feel a hinderence to their living their fullest life.
Also during picnics or partys while smiling and engaging(something i havent done in years) Im constantly stopped pulled aside and asked if i am okay. Am i temtped. Am i uncomfortable. Am i craving. "Your just doing so well and we love you and we want you to be this way all the time"

Look they somehow still love me i get that but it the questions and such make me crave; make me feel less than ; make me feel im a burden.

Again I realize they care and they worry but is it wrong to want them to deal with their anxiety and their wants and needs without hurting my mental state? For them to deal with their insecurities without constantly reminding me I was a raging alcoholic with mdd ? Am i being unreasonable or selfish?

It honestly makes me wish I stayed in Florida in the sober community I found down there. I love my lifelong family and friends but I just dont know if we are compatible anymore. I dont know if living where I grew up in NJ is the right choice.

1 Like
#2

It's sad they can't make sacrifices for you at gatherings. It seems that they don't respect what your doing with the recovery that you have accomplished and still working towards.
Yes they can love you and not respect you.
Congrats on staying strong

#3

Thanks Amanda.
To clarify I dont care that they drink I care that they always make it my decision if they can or can not drink.

#4

It’s ok to ask them not to drink. Or to not go. Or to go and not stay. Or to move. Or to do anything you feel you need to do to protect your sobriety.

#5

I can see that a place with minimal temptations and stress could be very helpful til you gain strength

#6

Thank you Craig
Thank you Shepman

Nice to not feel crazy for the way I feel.

#7

You’re not crazy at all. I wouldn’t want a constant reminder that I have a problem. You need to do what is best for you and your sobriety because it sounds very important to you as it should be.

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#8

Find a new place to move.it is up to you to protect your sobriety.don’t run away .just tell them and go.

#9

Zach, first of all, big congrats on seven months

#10

You have a perfect right to feel the way you do and protect yourself and your sobriety
Sounds like you found a supportive sober community in FL, try to find something similar in your current location, AA is always nearby
Best of luck, stay strong

#11

In time they will accept the new you. Be patient with them. They love you and worry about you.

#12

Thank you
Wedad
David
Adam
Robin

You guys make some very good points ... I havent been to a live meeting in a few weeks getting away from the zoom meetings might help.
Perception . Perserverance . Patience

Thanks again everybody

2 Likes
#13

I will say it’s not easy.when people or we make it hard.and deciding to make a change for your sobriety.we have a higher power.