Roger when I was 3.5 years sober and my wife with bipolar disorder was 3 years sober and in a lot of pain she took her own life. We had planned to move to be closer to family and more resources and transportation services. I had to follow through on moving to a much bigger town. It was the first time I ever lived by myself. That was not quite two years ago. I’ve been trough a lot of adjustments and trial and error. I’ve learned that we never were in control. That’s an illusion. To first requirement for living with another is learning to live “alone with oneself”. I’m reminded this morning at 0’ dark thirty, what I was first told in AA was, let go and hang on for the ride. At first I would fall in love with anyone who was nice to me and then get scared overthinking about committing and kept trying my own willpower.
Essentially I came to realize that I have to let go of everything I planned for my life in order to have the life I am meant to have.
I wasn’t in love at all. I was in love with the idea of love. I mistook the feeling of longing as a sign that I was falling in love. No, it was just a feeling of longing. That’s all. I still have not dated anyone and I’m accepting that as I seek companionship not a romantic relationship. Living sober is a lifestyle change and I’m learning to be patient because it takes at least two years to make any change of lifestyle to that magnitude, but I’m finding that I am gaining more self assurance and confidence as well as meeting many new friends. I can’t do this alone; we can. And I’m not stuck in a dead end relationship that was just another disfunctional relationship and resenting my impulsive decision. Give yourself time and reach out to others wearing the world like a loose garment. One day at a time. Sufficient unto today are the experiences that lead us on the road to a happy destiny.