Yesterday was a great day and I'm glad I had my sobriety so I could be present and enjoy it to the fullest.
Shelby and I discussed all the issues I've been causing with my catastrophizing and always feeling like I need to be in control of every situation. It was something that's been weighing heavily on my mind, and was the medicine I think we needed to start healing our relationship. I need to give her space to be her own person or else she will become a shell of the beautiful woman I fell in love with and her love for me will wither away into oblivion. We ended up having a day that was closer to normalcy than we've had in a long time.
My unemployment from software engineering has been a huge detriment on my well-being, but I had an interview that went very well. A sign that I am on the right track as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep my hand off the bottle. I've had so many interviews I've either cancelled or been too hungover or actively drunk to properly participate in. Yes, finances are still scary, but they will only improve if I am actively improving myself.
My ex and I have shared parenting of our young children, and last night was my night to have them. I'm so glad I was sober and able to make dinner for my family and enjoy the laughter and joy they bring. I know I can become too frustrated and irritable if I am actively drinking or obsessing about NOT having a drink at hand, so it was refreshing to actually enjoy dad-mode. Plus they absolutely adore Shelby, and it is always heartwarming to see them interacting with her. I had everything I needed yesterday evening, and it was refreshing to be able to fully enjoy it and be actively present in the moment.
Tonight I get to go trick-or-treating with my kids, Shelby, and my ex-wife. I can't wait to see how happy the kids are and know that I'm doing everything I can for them. I'll get to a meeting today to clear out any residual junk rattling around in my head and get my daily shot of therapy. I will not drink with you today.
One day at a time, to bigger and better things.