White-knuckling it a bit lately.
Trying to stay sober while also trying to stay afloat financially has felt like juggling knives some days. Rejection, bills, uncertainty — my brain loves to whisper that a drink would quiet it all down. It never does. It only makes tomorrow heavier.
I did relapse last Friday, and if I’m being honest, those slips have been creeping closer together. That’s a sign I can’t ignore. I don’t just need physical sobriety — I need to get a better grip on my emotional sobriety too. I’ve been trying to outrun feelings instead of actually dealing with them, and that’s a fast track back to the bottle.
I’m trying to remember that this season isn’t who I am — it’s just where I am right now.
I want to be steady. I want to be present. I want to be the man Shelby can lean on and the dad my kids feel safe with. That matters more than any temporary escape.
So today I’m focusing on the basics:
...Stay sober.
...Feel my feelings instead of numbing them.
...Do the next right thing.
...Keep moving forward, even if it’s inch by inch.
I will not drink with you today.