Damn it…why can’t I kick this shit? I tried decreasing my intake of alcohol and I still black out 
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Have you tried only drinking on weekends? Not drinking liquor? Not going to bars? Not drinking alone? Only drinking with meals?
Because none of those things work either. But you are still searching for the easier, softer way. Some means where you can drink without the negative stuff. Without blackouts, shame, regrets, embarrassment and all the rest of the fun. Ooh, maybe no more hangovers too!!
Man I lived in that obsession for ages. Funny thing is every time I tried to impose limits on myself, I inevitably snapped back harder and lost even more.
So I finally surrendered. I admitted defeat. I am powerless over alcohol. The only way I could regain sanity and a manageable life, was to eliminate alcohol and replace it with a program of recovery.
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Gordon- the need to moderate is the great obsession of every one of us.
Can we help direct you to a meeting? Can we answer any questions you may have?
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It just doesn’t work for like that Gordon. That’s called insanity - Big Book Style. Check it out with a sponsor 
:adhesive_bandage:
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Hi Gordon, the only thing that has worked for me is complete abstinence. Get plugged into a recovery community with meetings for support. It’s ridiculously hard to do this on your own.
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It’s tough. I tried decreasing and working on one drink only and so on. It never worked. I once heard the saying
“When I enjoy it,
I can’t control it.
When I control it,
I can’t enjoy it”
It’s pushed me through sobriety a lot. I have thoughts all time of “just one won’t hurt” or “I can cut myself off” and the reality is I couldn’t and can’t. When you feel ready maybe try being fully dry. It’s tough sometimes but it really has changed my life! We’re all here to support you. You got this!
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Hey buddy, you're doing just fine. As long as you are aware of your routine and behavior, you're farther along than most. This BS we deal with isn't black and white, it's a foggy fucked maze of gray. We'll get there friend, nothing's getting in our way.
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Right on 
.. I love 
my meetings
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Gordon you my friend are at the stage we all have been on. I don’t know anyone, or heard of anyone that can moderate drinking who has a drinking problem. You have to be honest with yourself, and realize enough is enough. You can do this, be strong my friend.
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I’m crying now because I feel alone every night I drink and YOU guys are giving me HOPE! 
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It’s a brain disease. If your looking for a good explanation why you should check out “Pleasure Unwoven”. It’s boring and can be hard to watch but if you want a good explanation it will let you know what you’re up against.
I understand, every time I drink I try my best and still black out. I even black out faster and faster. You not alone, there's no good explanation it just happens. But.....we don't actually need to drink! We just keep finding reasons to try again.....
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Hey Dan, thanks for the reply. It’s 2:03 am and I can’t sleep
Thank you! I’m soo done but I keep drinking though
We’re all in this together, and here for you.
Aa meetings.aa. Org for meetings. Meet people that can help you
And maintenance drinking dose not work either.and you will need detoxing.