Got horror stories? Let’s hear them. I fight this “rule” a lot because it’s not in the big book and it’s a suggestion. Anyways, hoping hearing some experiences from others with more time might help me try to buckle down on this lol
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Lets go all the way back to 2012. Well I have fought this suggestion atleast 5 times until the last 2 yrs I've been pretty much single. Each time lead to a relapse due to multiple reasons which all was mostly due to resentments towards the women I was dating at the time. I wasn't very effective at communicating my wants, needs and feelings in a few. Gave into the urge to use/drink in a few relationships because they was using and drinking, I thought I could control it. I didn't know how to set healthy boundaries and in most cases neither did they. One become very codependent where I felt like I could fix them and completely lost myself again in the process. Of course when all these relationships failed my ego, pride and resentments blocked me from learning why the relationship failed on both sides. The resentments just help push on to the next relationship with basically no healing/coping time in between. The failure of the relationship also caused me some insecurity issues thinking something was wrong with me. Which lead to a relapse everytime. Well there was something wrong. I never learned from my mistakes in those failed relationships. I was doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Just like I was with drinking and using. I could probably write a novel on this but you got the basics. Anyways, for nearly the last two years I've been single. I have learned quite a bit about myself as you can above. When I accept, identify and know my mistakes and character defects I can finally make the effort to correct or change them. I can ask to have any shortcomings removed.
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In early recovery you are looking to reclaim and explore yourself
Bringing another person into that process (other than a sponsor or non intimate friend) is counter productive
Find joy and strength by yourself and then allow others in
This way they can never take it away from you
Codependency is a real issue
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