I know it's not recommended right away. I met a wonderful man who doesn't drink. I felt it was worth a try and that I couldn't pass up someone who seemed to be everything I wanted. I slipped and drank and got scared of being hurt so while drunk was a TOTAL %!&@$ to this poor man. He's forgiven me and cool enough to be my friend for now. Today is only 3 days/nights sober again. I can't stop beating myself up. Not sure what to do. Any advice or thoughts appreciated! ...
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Sonia
I'm 64 and have plenty of experience with relationships in and out of recovery. You said it yourself that you got scared of being hurt. This means you have some things to deal with yet in recovery. When you're ready for a relationship you don't think about things like that.
Back in 2003 my sponsor asked me to stay out of relationships for a while until I can get myself straightened out. I learned during the time that I was actually codependent too.
Staying out of relationships in early sobriety is a great idea. Many people find this out the hard way. I met a woman in AA back in the early 90s. Against the advice of fellow members her and I decided that a relationship was the solution to our problem. We moved in together and they were six of the most miserable years of my life.
Most people go into relationships saying " this is what's going to make me happy." The problem is they should already be happy before they get into a relationship. Most of the time we go into relationships with the mindset of what we're going to get out of this relationship. Our mindset should be what can we put into this relationship and it's kind of hard to do that when we're in the middle of recovery trying to figure ourselves out.
You should give it a couple of years. You'll be looking through a totally different set of lenses.
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Thankyou for your response! Having been married 3 different times (twice to the same man) I can't imagine not ever being scared of being hurt? I'd love to think that if I was ready I wouldn't think that way! Maybe I'll never be ready? Lol
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Hey Sonia, please don’t beat yourself about the minor setback with the drinking. Knowing your story it makes sense. Be proud that you recognized it and you even were able to maintain friends with him. Right now you do need love and that love is self love. Romance & Relationships can be intoxicating and like others commented are probably not the best idea in early recovery. Work on you and surround yourself with love of friends and people on here. You are beautiful and strong you can do it!
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Thankyou for your kind words 
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If you feel lonely message me. I’ll listen
With alcohol we tend to self-sabatoge, pushing away any connections with others so we remain isolated. Fear has controlled so much of our lives and recovery helps us take back control. If you truly want to stay sober that has to come first. We would go to any lengths for our drinking and drugging, but now we have to go to any lengths to keep sober. Instead of running away from all those thoughts and emotions we have to finally face them. It's so great you have opened up here and that's exactly what you need to keep doing. We can't succeed alone, we need help, and there is always an entire community willing to lend us their strength when we feel weakest. Find some meetings, connect with others, focus on building up your life so that whenever the right person does come along you can fully embrace it.
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Thankyou! Looking back at the why's? Of my dependence on alcohol...I absolutely drank myself into oblivion day after day to just numb the pain...to not feel anything nor to care about anyone. I've been a bundle of emotions lately! Split up w my last x husband in August 22 and divorced officially a week b4 xmas...all that time I never cried! I'd be sad but shed a tear? Not a one...I've cried alot this past week. I'm feeling so much shame for all my selfishness
I always tell people that shame is a sign that we want to be better people. We can never go back and change things, no matter how desperately we wish we could, but that doesn't mean we have to stay stuck in the past. We need to take responsibility for our actions and focus on the present if we ever truly hope to change our lives. I am so glad that you are opening up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, because when we bottle so many thoughts and emotions up inside they eat away at out spirit. Allow yourself to finally face your feelings, but never drift into morbid reflection. The better we finally start to take care of ourselves the better we can help others in need. You are never alone.
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We did an entire episode regarding dating in sobriety on our podcast 12oz of Sobriety. It was a great conversation
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One day at a time and I’ve told myself many times, I’m five minutes at a time when needed.
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I am on a dating site. It has been a great way to meet people looking for investors in their crypto schemes.
But, generally speaking, I am rigorously honest. I lead with my sobriety. It is a non-negotiable. And I’d rather find out sooner than later if someone needs a drinking buddy as a partner.
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You made me laugh about the meeting people! 
I figure anymore if it's meant to be it will in person...idk. this is only my 4th day/night sober. The longest I went this year was 17 days 16 nights. Drank that night of the 17th at a work/community function with free beer bar...have had some sober days since then but not even a full week since. Giving it a serious go. I've lost too much and have so much more to lose (in my better moments I do know that I have so much to truly be grateful for) 
I like podcasts...will check it out! Thx 
Amen Sister!
Anybody any time can be an a$$h@le. Quit beating yourself up.
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True! You havnt seen me drunk ...that old tshirt...instant ahole just add alcohol! That's me...well that was me...is a part of me. The part I no longer wish to feed
The toughest advice for me to follow was always the no dating until I am in a good spot. But after many slips due to relationships, I am following it this time
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Don’t drink. Go to a meeting. Talk to someone sober. I’ve been there with the dating stuff, but what’s really important right now is sobriety. Not a relationship of any kind, as evident.
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