Dating: Standards

Wellness
#1

I intend to provide an example template of what is working for me. For the past three months, I've been on a couple of dating apps; I tend to look at their profiles, and if I see anything other than No in their lifestyle category about intoxicants, I know I don't want to have them in my intimate circle.

I need to be honest with myself, and I prefer to empathize with the person receiving my rejection. Rejections are hard enough and I want to be compassionate on my delivery. Until now, I've found it effective to say: "I reviewed your profile, and I noticed some deal breakers for me. I'm not interested in dating you. I wish you a pleasant rest of the day, (name)."

If you have any other responses in communicating your deal breakers in an effective way to a person you are considering dating. I am open to suggestions and ideas. Don't hesitate to leave them in the comment section.

971×549 18.7 KB

12 Likes
#2

You go girl! Rigorous honesty. :wink:

2 Likes
#3

Yep, Jonathan. This is my first post on this app.

I need to be rigorously honest with myself, and I need to continue making an effort to be emphatic of others' feelings when I communicate things. Recovery & healing is possible.

Thank you for making me a better human being.

#4

I really like that. Very upfront. Gets rid of any possible awkwardness later too.

2 Likes
#5

I appreciate you pointing that out, Andrew. I am working on being friendly, relaxed, and a great conservationist. I'm excited to meet new people, even if I feel anxious. One feeling doesn't negate the other.

#6

I agree, and you said it well. I appreciate the way you put that. I can definitely relate.
For me being sober now, I at least do not feel the need to force anything.

1 Like
#7

I agree; it's a respectable thing to do. To learn from past mistakes, and amend them as quickly as possible.

#8

I've been going through the same thing. If I've connected with someone I basically just chat enough that we feel somewhat comfortable. But then I think it's important to bring up my goal of sobriety and recovery very early. If it's a deal breaker, then so be it. They aren't the right person for me. Some people have friends or family in recovery so they understand. I'm open to that, but it sounds like you aren't.

I've found on dating apps that there are a lot less people actually sober themselves. But when you do find them, you instantly have something in common.

I don't think there is a 'correct' way to write it out, to say you aren't interested. You just have to be honest and clear. That is appreciated by everyone. It is important to me though to clearly communicate that pretty early in the chatting before I call or meet anyone.

I don't beat around the bush. I just specifically say what I need to.

2 Likes
#9

Thank you for your feedback, Anson. I agree; in those dating apps, there are not a lot of people who have started their recovery journey from intoxicants. Perhaps setting relationship standards limits one's opportunities. This is preferable to feel angry, sad, hurt, distressed, unfulfilled, and not to mention resentful due to unmet needs. Even if they're not the right ones, I may learn something new, and I may enjoy myself in the process, it's quality over quantity; this is where I'll keep my focus. I am preparing myself for the right man, whom both relationship standards will complement.

#10

On a sidenote;

Make sure your potential date is showing their teeth when smiling in their photos. When I was in the on line dating scene I once met a woman for coffee. I quickly discovered that all her teeth were missing.

I was not ready for that and was gone before the coffee was poured.
LOL x 100

#12

Dave, that joke mocks people over their looks, it's unkind and not funny. We don’t do that kind of thing here.

1 Like