I’m not looking for a relationship (my mentors all said to not date your first year into recovery) but I’m curious for those that do date, do you date “normies”, people in recovery?
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Going on a first date sober sounds absolutely terrifying 
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I really don't recommend it lol it's a total shi*show haha. I did my first time getting sober and it didn't end well. I think the problem is newly sober people are dealing with all these new emotions sober for the first time and matters of the heart are just too much. It's definitely a threat to your sobriety and recovery. I'm 2.5 years in this time and have found relationships with other people in recovery slightly better than with normies haha but that's just my experience.
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Normies or people in recovery as far as dating has it pros and cons but listen to your heart and you should be alright your higher power will put someone in your life at the right time
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Its different for sure. But then again so is working, shopping, and doing just about anything sober. I didn’t know how to do anything sober before I got to AA. But now It feels perfectly normal to do everything sober. It took a while, but I got there.
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I definitely like talking to sober people way better than people at the bars. Lol
And I agree with the emotions, guess the most important relationship is the one with myself.
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Good point ! I’m still learning how to enjoy a nice summer day without drinking lol
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I ignored the advice of my sponsor and dated anyway. I paid the price later. As has been said, it’s a new world and early sobriety can be tough. Add a relationship and it can get tougher.
But who am I to deny someone of their own experience?
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Everyone’s experience is different. Listen to your gut and heart. Maybe someone could be incredibly beneficial, but if you aren’t getting what you want out of a relationship then step away. I don’t think it needs to be black and white like ‘NO DON’T DATE RIGHT NOW.’
The one year “rule” is a very general time frame and can be more or less time depending on the success of your work in recovery.
For me, I started dating much earlier than one year. Very early on in recovery, most of my free time was taken up by meetings, and working on my issues that caused the alcohol abuse. As I began to grow and develop a solid platform for my sobriety, I didn’t need to spend as much time with meetings and working on my sobriety. I felt comfortable with using that new free time for dating. That said, I made very sure to take things slow, and develop that new relationship with some strong boundaries. She was sober as well, and I felt comfortable with her conviction in sobriety.
Initially, sober dating was very weird and somewhat uneasy. My old go to’s weren’t there anymore. It kind of forced me to develop a new/creative mindset, which was hard at first, but I’m grateful for it.
Ultimately, there’s no formula for when you’re ready for it. Your primary focus should be on making sure you have very solid footing in your sobriety first. Have a sober network, and have quality sober friends whom you can talk to about your thoughts and concerns when it comes to relationship issues.
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Personally, I feel far more spiritually and emotionally connected to other people in recovery. That being said, they must be serious about their recovery, not constantly relapsing (found out the hard way). I’m now only considering people that have two plus years under their belt and work a program.
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I think it's different for everyone. Only you know how you feel and how someone makes you feel. Human companionship can be awesome, especially if we start off totally honest.
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You can’t let your life go by so be careful and go for it. Just be upfront with them and you’ll have better luck
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I’ve only dated 1 person since getting sober. She had 6.5 years but worked no program. She dumped me and went back out.
I can not imagine dating someone who drinks at all.
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No let’s keep this simple. You me and everyone on here are addicts of some kind and sadly it’s a kind that will kill you. So who ever says “listen to your heart,” that’s nuts. You and me don’t have the pro page right now because we’re still nubes to listen to our heart. What we do have though to listen to is out MENTOR and those in recovery who have competed years upon years of sobriety. If they said not to don’t do it.
The Bible even says , “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Yea well I’d listen to the other guys comment about how we’re going through so much emotions like why wouldn’t just focus on yourself right now? Go all in!
I got 4 days down yes, but my max was 6 years and I flanked! So here I am again back to square one! Haha
I wouldn’t say the other person has to be in recovery, but if drinking is a big part of their life (not even mentioning drug use, as that’s a hard no) then I don’t see how it could work. Not passing judgement, I just don’t see how somebody in recovery would have anything in common with a person that drank regularly.
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I’m very forward about being in recovery w people I meet. Think that scares off the majority of them. I know I can finesse why I don’t drink and it’d prob result in more dates but being in recovery has made me who I am today. I like that person. I’m not a pr*ck like when I was drinking and using. So if someone can’t accept that about me I like to know right away. I’m not good at playing games. That seems to be a concurrent aspect w dating. That’s not health for my psyche.
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