I am supposed to be 4 months sober and 9 days… but what have I been doing? Relapsing every chance I get..
How do I change? Like why can’t I change?
Why is it so hard to stay sober!! Today I am tired, depressed, frustrated and heartbroken all over again.
I have some fight in me but I don’t know how long?
I feel like I’m slowly giving up.
I start a new job next week and I really need to keep this job and improve myself..
but my husband is another huge reason I fall apart..
It seems so..
I don’t know..
I feel lost without my partner
But I also found out he tried cheating on me with this other woman and I don’t know when the last time he actually did..
It really makes me so sad.
I also want to believe I can do this without him but I haven’t been positive in my mind.
I just hope things turn out the way I want..
To be happy again and sober.
I just want this craziness to stop.
Keep going! Don’t give up. Sobriety is the best gift you can give yourself. You have the app. You are reaching out to community. You are fighting. Every sober day has exercised your sober muscles. They are not lost because you relapsed. Be proud of what you have accomplished. Everything you need is inside you. You want something better for yourself and you deserve it. Keep trying. Keep showing up. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. The days will start stacking. Just keep going. 
Keep your head up, girl, you got this
First, you control you. You can and should do this without him. Not to be harsh, but your life with him seems to make your journey difficult.
You must make up your mind to change. Only you can do that. Next, ask God to remove the desire for your drug-of-choice.
You must address the underlying issues that cause you to drink/do drugs. Get into therapy/AA. Find out what works best for you.
By the grace of God, I've been alcohol-free for 5 years. But I had to address the underlying issues. It wasn't pretty or easy, but I had the desire to change. Prayer & therapy. AA didn't work for me because they don't address the underlying issues. Once I addressed those issues, it was easy for me.
Pray and keep God first in your life. All the best to you. You can do this.
you.
Ya gotta b honest with your self.. sucks but you gotta...help your self first. For real!
You've already started by admitting. Don't stop keep going and believe in the process. 
Let go of the thought that you will succeed alone, go to a meeting, get off social media, get a sponsor, follow your sponsor’s guidance…keep it simple, because this requires showing up, doing the work and giving back!