Day 1. And I'm terrified

Recovery
#1

Good morning.
I am not really sure how to start
It has been forever since I have not had alcphol as a part of my life.
My family has a multi- generational history of alcohol abuse. It feels like such a deeply ingrained part of me. But I don't want this for myself, or for my family, any more.

I am concerned about the damage that has been done to my body, and my mental health. (So much self loathing and self imposed humiliation).

I am excited and at the same time, I am nervous about moving on (breaking up with) from alcohol.

Frankly, I'm feeling a little scared. But it feels scarier to keep going on in this way...

I dont feel ready to attend meetings, and I am not into religious or faith pursiuts.

I added this app yesterday. But am counting today as my day one, i really don't want to count a 'hangover day' as a day, since my system was certainly not clear of alcohol.

11 Likes
#2

I powerfully identify with your experience Karman, just over fifty years from my first drink to my last, May 23 2021. The thought of giving up alcohol especially my beer for the rest of my life was daunting however with an acquired open mind (step 2) I came to believe. I’m responsible for the effort and my HP takes care of the results. I still ate my beginners meeting Living Sober. WE do it together one day at a time. Have faith in the process. It works. It really does!!

1 Like
#3

Welcome. I have found a solution and u can as well. And its not that difficult. One day at a time anything is possible
And if l can do it anyone can. My journey started young where I just felt I didn’t fit. And had to start stuffing feelings to stay sort of sane but always felt out of place
What I wanted was out of reach l thought
But thru the the people in the program and my willingness to reach out
I found what I was looking for and so much more ! And it keeps getting better

1 Like
#4

Find a meeting asap
There is a way up and out. But you really have to have a desire. U deserve it and your worth it
Ray F

3 Likes
#5

No regrets no judgment
Just Love

2 Likes
#6

I don't do the meeting things either not much of a religious person either. Did 13 years sobriety(bad#) now I'm 6 months

1 Like
#7

Day one can be raw. I remember being terrified. Letting go of alcohol feels like cutting off a part of your identity, especially when it’s been around for years. You want different now and that’s where it starts. You don’t have to believe in meetings or religion to get better. Just keep showing up and telling the truth like you did here. That’s already a step forward.

3 Likes
#8

Checking in :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like
#9

Doing great! A whole week down! And today, while working in the woods, i was surrounded by butterflies all day! Symbols of change and rebirth!:heart:

3 Likes
#10

Don’t think of your recovery as a destination or certain amount of time, what’s important is the journey along the way 24 hours at a time. Just 24 hours and it gets easier

4 Likes
#11

I’m day one again, one glass of wine. It’s a horrible feeling. Meetings, meetings, meetings for me today.

#12

I’m two months sober and did find a 12 step program that is an incredible source of support. I am working with a sponsor and it’s really helping me find solace and a path to recovery. No preaching or religion necessary, it’s all about finding a source you can connect with to humble yourself to. You have the power to make this change and it is soooo worth it. You got this!

1 Like
#13

I think you're so wonderful for sharing your vulnerability. There's a super power in that. Maybe just borrow my view point of you. You're very brave, you show incredible honesty, you're inspiring. Keep going champ!

1 Like