Day 1 for the 100th time

Struggling Help
#1

I quit alchohol for 6 months last July. I picked up in December and it's been a slow but steady progression up until June this year .

June 17 I side swipped a car and when I got home and told my boyfriend we got into a pretty bad altercation . He called the police and I was arrested. I have been on probation since with random breathalyzers. I have still been drinking though. Since June I was only called in for a breathalyzer test twice. The test are in the morning so it's kinda easy to get away with drinking during the day.

I had a seizure last night around 4 am after drinking 10 nips of vodka throughout the day. I have had seizures before too.

I am trying really hard starting today to quit again. There is still the voice in my mind that I could just have 2 after work.

I'm so sick of living like this . I have a toddler son and I put him at risk constantly. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. We have a great life, a beautiful home. My boyfriend and I both have good income. We enjoy our lives , go out to eat, vacations, the beach, always taking our son out to amusement parks or the zoo etc.

This disease really doesn't discrimate at all. When I was younger I always thought alcoholics and addicts were just dealt a bad life and drank to escape. I now realize I have started to run my life into the ground.

Since the accident in June , I got Into another accident as well. I've got myself into trouble with work by calling out due to being drunk.

Day 1 for the 100th time and hopefully there won't be a 101th time.

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#2

This may be a sign that you need professional help. Rehab, detox, a solid program. You already have the experience of what happens without it. I know it probably feels like you will have to give up Everything… job, vacations, zoo trips… but what happens the next time it is not a side swipe but head on collision? What if you actually hurt someone? You could be forced to give up everything because you are locked up or worse. All the “things” in your life don’t matter in this moment. This is a WE program. Most of us can not do it alone. Help is there for the taking. But you have to truly in the depth’s of your soul want it. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

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#3

Thank you Tim

#4

Hi Rachel. The consequences are really starting to add up. Please get help before you completely F ur life up. I didn’t read anything in your post about what you have tried to do to keep sober. I highly recommend a recovery program. Most people who get and stay sober, do it by following one of the recovery programs. After all, as you already know, the problem isn’t stopping. We all have stopped 100 times. Staying stopped is our problem. These recovery programs will help you with this.

#5

I have tried a lot I went to 2 detox's . I was attending meetings and still keep in touch with my sponspor. When I was 3 months sober I started a part time job at a detox and besides that I spoke at meetings and put together "care bags" for the homeless addicts in my area.

Part of me felt torn even responding to this because I feel I don't need to explain it. If I'm here on this app it must show I am trying . I like to believe AA Is a non judging community where we can come to get some help when ourselves and everyone else in our life hates us.

I could go on about my back story but I don't think that's most important right now

#6

There is no judgment going on here, just concern. We all want you to succeed. But you also will not get coddling. Sometimes hearing what we don’t want is exactly what we need.

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#7

I’m glad you replied. Maybe my question came off condescending. I certainly didn’t mean it that way. I’m here to help if I can. There’s so many people on this app with so many different situations. For some, they have little to no experience with recovery. Anyway, I’m your friend. Sounds like you have a lot of good things in your life. I did too. I don’t want any of my brothers and sisters to go thru any more suffering. Enough of my spiel…let’s go get sober :pray:❤‍🩹:peace_symbol:

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