148 days clean.
That number means more than just time.
It means pain I didn’t run from.
It means choices I didn’t numb.
It means waking up and feeling—even when I didn’t want to.
This morning, I woke up with my thoughts all over the place.
My mind drifting in different directions,
searching for the next step,
the next anchor to keep me grounded.
Because that’s what sobriety feels like sometimes—
you’re on solid ground one moment,
then suddenly you’re searching for something to hold on to.
But even in that chaos, I could feel the healing still happening inside me.
Quietly.
Not shouting. Not shaking the world.
Just doing the work—deep down.
And that alone is something I never want to take for granted again.
There were days when I couldn’t imagine being sober this long.
When I thought alcohol was the only way I knew how to cope,
how to relax,
how to feel alive.
But the truth is—
I was just surviving, not living.
I hurt people.
I pushed away the ones who loved me.
I became someone I didn’t recognize.
But the crazy part?
The healing didn’t happen all at once.
It’s still happening.
Right now.
148 days in… and I’m still unlearning old habits,
still apologizing to myself for the damage I caused.
Still trying to make peace with a past I used to drown.
And here’s what I’ve learned along the way—
some journeys don’t lead us back to the places we lost.
They lead us forward…
to the version of ourselves we were always meant to become.
To whoever’s been waiting on us—even if it’s just us.
To whom it may concern: I’m still here. Still trying. Still growing.
So if you’re listening to this, and you’re in your own battle—
I want you to know something real:
It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
It’s okay to wake up and just focus on staying clean today.
It’s okay to feel lost, as long as you don’t quit searching for better.
Because you’re not alone in this.
I’m still walking it with you.
Still learning how to breathe without the bottle.
Still proving to myself that I can do this—
and so can you.
So wherever you are in your journey—whether it’s day one or day 148—
don’t stop.
Keep showing up for yourself.
Keep healing.
Keep growing.
Keep becoming.
Because every sober day is proof that you’re stronger than your past.
And the next version of you?
The healed one?
They’re waiting.
SHUBBY!!!!