Sobriety while trying to forgive yourself for all the damage you've caused in your alcoholic binges, trying to rebuild your relationship with God, accept that somethings are not repairable, dealing with heartbreak and trying to start your life over is soo stinkin' hard yet humbling. I'm constantly crying and fighting myself not to isolate again because I'm scared to spiral 
I really need encouragement because I know in Him, I am strong but I feel soo weak
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Hey, I know how you feel. I damaged a lot of relationships, and self-forgiveness isnât easy. But I canât forgive the ones who caused my trauma if I donât start with me (and, real talk, so I can forget them).
Youâre doing great. 22 days is amazing! Remember wanting just one day? God meets us where we are at. The woman at the well, the prodigal son, and the alcoholics of the 21st century. The sinners, not the righteous.
Itâs hard. I still cry for my daughter all the time. but youâre doing it a day at a time. Give yourself some grace đ«¶
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I used to be a worship leader for 7years in my young adult years, I walked away from my calling for 8years. Thought I was cute doing it on my own but I felt like the moment I walked away from God, I packed up everything I left at His Feet & carried it with me. All My triggers and traumas and even more new ones at that. I stopped going to Him and would run to any bottle that could numb when pain would arise. I made alot of mistakes, lied about my addiction, was indenial, justified, betrayed, took out all my hurt and anger on my ex and my family for 2 1/2years. I spent years trying my best to be a people pleaser, giver, role model, career driven; all to just lose myself after an unexpected heartbreaking event. I gave up, felt like a failure or nothing I did was good enough. I wanted to drown. And now that I am leaning on God again to give me the strength, wisdom, understanding and clarity to release what I should no longer hold onto ; I sit with all these regrets, mistakes. Things I can't change or take back. I can't fix certain things like now my ex resenting me and wanting nothing to do with me or things that I would've never said when I was sober. I know all I can do now is move on and keep going but to constantly get cussed out, yelled at, rejected, reminded of everything as I'm trying not to hate myself is such a struggle. I pray and journal all the time now which helps & no longer have the desire to run to alcohol. I just miss the girl that had better boundaries, self-control of her emotions and was self driven. But codependency & the alcoholic binges is what I'm trying to heal from.
You're doing the right thing, you're doing good and that's all you can do now. Keep up the good work and stay strong and take it easy on yourself and love yourself and don't be so hard on self.
Keep up the good work and blessings.
We all made mistakes in the past, but you're doing good now and that's all you can do.
Hmu anytime if you want or need to talk.
Blessings 
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I feel you. I have a similar story. In my early 20s I was also a worship leader at my church, mainly for the youth group but also on the main team. It was a calling I walked away from and long to return to. It was a mix of family trauma that made me feel unsupported and not good enough - and the start of some tempting corporate success. That corporate success came with more ânever good enoughâ trauma and had me heavily drinking heavily in the name of âsuccessâ and âprogressâ and landed me in rehab. Iâve been battling the ones who hurt me and the ones I hurt ever since. Sometimes, our amends and forgiveness wonât be accepted, and thatâs really hard for people pleasers like us.
Prayer and journaling are super helpful to me too. I started writing day 1 and havenât stopped. Notice, you are starting to engage in healthy habits, and thatâs something to be proud of. Youâre taking the right steps and doing great!
Allow yourself some grace, and stay connected to support. Youâre going to get through this.