I am thankful. Truly. But in honesty- they weight of anxiety in my chest is so heavy. So much guilt. Like all the demons of my past are clawing at my flesh trying to pull me back in. I know the devil is a liar..that "one more time" will mean trading life for death. Still though...it's not easy. That 3 minutes of intense almost-caving is difficult to sit with. Learning to sit with yourself is harder. I have this ex friend who for all intense and purposes was emotionally abusive. I walked away from her after 12 years after she said she would not be my friend while on this "God kick". As if sobering had anything to do with morality but really PRACTICALITY. I'm ranting. But I'm in pain. Sobering brings out the wounds from early childhood and everything that comes after.
I know what you mean about wounds from your childhood. I have been there. It takes time to heal. You owe it to you to heal because those wounds can hold us back. Give yourself a beautiful life. 
Hey Asher! I can relate to the feelings of anxiety. The alcohol/drugs were really good at numbing those feelings…although in the end they barely worked anymore. That first week of not drinking/using was brutal for me, but somehow I got thru it. I did go to an AA meeting every day, and got on my knees and prayed for the strength and the courage to get thru the day without numbing myself with a substance. You can do it too! Reaching out and talking about it is a great first step. Think about going to a meeting or at least trying an online meeting. I don’t know why it helps, but it does. It’s time to face our fears and move in with our lives. We deserve to be happy and healthy. Don’t give up. You can do this 
Thank you for sharing! God is awesome!!!
Find a way to give to something like a sprite