Ok, I have made it to day 4, no pills, no substances.
Oh boy, the stomach upset, need to stay near a toilet at all times (sorry if tmi)
The aches, the headache that just won't stop, the fear that my family is watching my every move, because I'm pretty good at being sly and them not noticing what I'm doing. I mean, I think that's in my head, but maybe not. They keep asking how I'm doing and I say fine, but I wanna scream: I want to cry, then sleep, then eat all the junk food (I have a special diet due to weight loss surgery) then sleep, then sleep more. And I want to be mad, but the only thing or person to be mad at is me.
No one is making me feel bad about this relapse, everyone seems supportive, but I feel like I deserve punishment and I think that's a total me issue.
Coming to work every day is hard. I have definitely snapped at people, and they look at me like I have a second head. Been trying to take little breaks to catch my breathe, but I literally don't get breaks at my job.
Would love to take time off, but can't afford it, and sitting at home with nothing to do would be so counterproductive.
Thanks all for you kind words and suggestions. I appreciate them all.
Hope everyone is doing well.