I'm having a very hard time emotionally. I don't want to smoke but I wish I didn't exist. I've do e everything to become a better person. Quit nicotine in 2016. Sober since 2021. Clean from hard drugs since April. Clean from pot for 5 days. My life is just as unfulfilled as it was when I was using. If not more. Clearly I am not meant for this world.
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Have you worked a program and the 12 steps of recovery?
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I go to na meetings once a week. No I can't do 90 in 90 because of my work schedule.
Working the 12 steps with a credible sponcor is where I found the skills to live life on life’s terms, I live a peaceful reasonably content life now.
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Hello Todd. I’m a recovering addict as well. “90 in 90” is such a powerful, foundation-building tool. I realize that you work a lot, but there are very many online NA meetings. I’ve stayed clean for over 5 years through attending online NA meetings.
This is an international online, 24/7 NA meeting. It’s very well-run too.
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You're conclusion is wrong my man! I'm sorry you feel this way. What are you looking to for fulfilment?
Attending meetings online and in person is really important to help you feel like life is ok (eventually it gets to be pretty good!) Remember that your brain is going through withdrawals and changes as a result of stopping weed/drugs. It takes a few months or even longer to get back to "normal" chemically in the brain. How you feel today will not be forever so please stick with it! And reach out if you need to talk.
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Everyone relax be still & breathe slowly in & out 5 times surrender your will over to a power greater than yourself. Be calm know whatever it is will pass journal, go take a shower have dinner watch a show or a movie get out of your head change your thoughts you’ll be in my prayers 
