Day 865. Boundaries

Recovery
#1

Day 865. Boundaries something I’m still trying to master.

I had a situation recently that I had to apply my boundaries and of course was taken as some psycho B*tch but I no longer care what others think of me… that’s their business not mine. I will not allow others to treat me the way they see fit. If I feel disrespected I’m going to speak up for myself. Bottom line. You get what you give. If I’m giving and not getting the same in return I will no longer allow you access. It’s that simple. My heart and my piece of mind are worth way more to me. I deserve the same level of respect that I give.

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#2

I had a similar situation happen a few months ago with what I thought was a friend of mine.

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#3

Well said. I know boundaries are something I need to always be mindful of and working on. Like sobriety, we are aware today. Like sobriety, we have a choice today. Way to exercise your choice :muscle::+1::pray::peace_symbol:

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#4

Thank you :pray:t3: yes I needed to. I know I made the right choice. It’s one of those things you can just feel in your heart of hearts.

#5

They aren’t always easy for me but I know it’s best. Sorry about your “friend” that’s hard. True colors always reveal themselves.

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#6

Yeah it still is not easy but as you mentioned it's definitely for the best. I had no choice to set up those boundaries because she was actively using. Not only drugs but me as well. That quote "You spot it, you got it" comes to mind. She eventually got to where she would only call, text, come around when she needed something or money. I seen my old patterns and recognized it. I wasn't going to enable her or not be a true friend and turn a blind eye.

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#7

But yeah.... When I talked to her about as nice as I possibly could. She avoided the conversation and then said she had to go. A few days later she was gaslighting me saying that she no longer wanted to be my friend because I disrespected her by thinking she would do that to me. Lol but it was completely obvious. Granted she was going through a hard time but it was all self inflicted and then tried to make me feel bad about me expressing my feelings.

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#8

Ugh :expressionless: that’s the worse when they try making you feel bad about the way you feel about something. Or in my case crazy because I called them out on their shitty actions.

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#9

Yeah sounds like someone was truly gaslighting you as well. Making you feel crazy for how you feel or that you're doing something to cause them to behave such a way is the definition of gaslighting or narcissistic tendencies. Maybe even full blown narcissistic personality disorder.

#10

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

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#11

Yes exactly. It’s a mind F and if you are not mentally stable or strong enough it can really take a toll on you. Toxic behavior at its finest.

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#12

Boundaries suck. We need them but it's always awkward and we're often misunderstood. Life is a messy business but at least we're in the game now.

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#13

This is still a hard one for me, even as I approach a year. Knowing I am amazing and expecting (demanding even) that others recognize it as well!!!

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#14

Congratulations on “doing a boundary” as my sober friends and I call it. I know how hard it is, but like most things it gets easier as you gain experience with them.

Not kidding, we send each other texts when we stand up for ourselves. It’s nice.

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#15

Omgeee this is hitting the nail on the head.

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#16

Yes, it actually did take a toll on me because when she first told me she no longer wanted or desired to be friends with me and stopped returning my calls and texts completely all together. I thought that maybe I was in the wrong,
I started questioning myself. Looking for anything where I might have been overly sensitive etc. Then I thought to myself and realized that I was very kind, nice and cordial when I approached her with this dilemma and how I felt about it. She was the one who avoided the conversation and the tried to deny how I feel by saying I disrespected her for assuming what her true intentions was. Even though I validated how she felt she never once validated how I felt or perceived the situation. Typical manipulation tactics or narcissistic tendencies imo.

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#17

Ghosting another classic narcissist move. I’ll never understand how or why people do it. Be an adult and speak your feelings and move on. I guess some people just aren’t on that level maturity wise. I’ve come to learn ghosting is way more about the person doing the ghosting than the person being ghosted. It’s cruel though and certainly makes you question yourself.

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#18

Agreed! They do suck but are definitely needed.

#19

:yellow_heart: that quote did for me too

#20

It does feel good :blush: it’s nice having a voice back and knowing you are not in the wrong for sticking to your boundaries.

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