Dealing with alcoholism for years. Lost my marriage a year ago. Sober for 5 months, relapsed then lost access to my son. I had a great relationship going with someone and just lost my girlfriend yesterday. I am feeling very alone
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I’m sorry Jay. That’s so very hard. As my drinking career was drawing to an end, I found myself losing things like jobs, my kids, money. Court cases, relationships, sanity, and the list went on.
Getting sober, devising a plan with my therapist (and lawyers) and dedicating myself to my program of recovery helped me slowly and surely get it all back, and then some.
It isn’t easy. These are a lot of cliches, but the truth is that you’ll keep losing until you get sober, if you’re an alcoholic like me.
Thanks Craig! I am glad I found this app. I have a 13 year old son who hates me and oesnt understand why I drink. Any advice on building that relationship back
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Never have another drink. Work a 12 step program with a strong sponsor who went through what you’re going through and has it all back.
With my kids I had a lot of deprogramming to do. We did family therapy every week. I was also very open with their mom about my struggles and the fact that I was getting help.
After 6 months or so, I sat with them (9&11) and explained what a living amend means to me. I explained that even though I’m sorry about the past, I can’t change it. All I can do is to commit to my sobriety and be there for them. I got a job that doesn’t require nights or weekends for the first time ever. I made commitments and kept them. I had difficult conversations honestly and immediately when they came up. I validate their feelings even when it hurts and I want to be defensive. I explain my disease of addiction and how I keep myself well.
I am not religious but prayer and meditation is part of my program and I include my kids whenever I can.
And I don’t expect or demand forgiveness or for them to forget. All I can do is my best today.
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Thanks!
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Go to meetings.get help at meetings. Aa . Org for. Meetings near you.
Thanks David! I went to Aa meetings on and off a couple years and it just did not work for me. Great group but just did not work. I am in a program called Smart Recovery now. I like it but they only meet once a week
I have a 14 yo who Halftime because I too ruined relationships. He was 12 when he had to call 911 because I fell and was seriously injured. He know why I go to meetings, he’s proud of me. It takes getting and staying sober and being honest. He’s the reason I got sober, I’m not going to mess that up.
Good luck, I know AA isn’t for everyone, but perhaps try a different group.
Jay, you okay?
Hey Jay
I understand completely what you are going through. I lost my rights to my 3 beautiful children because of my addiction. Ages 13 10 and 6. They were my life. My everything and now I can't see them everyday when that was what I had everyday for 11 years. It killed me and is still killing me everyday. I wake up with a whole in me. I feel incomplete. And for a year I drowned myself in drug's instead of dealing with it and fighting to try and keep some sort of rights to them. I gave up because I was hopeless. I knew I was a piece of sh and they'd be better off without me. I wanted to be dead. Then one day for God knows what reason I woke up and decided to get sober. And in 45 days I've made it so I can see my kids every other weekend by gaining trust back with my sister who has them. I will never get them back and I still want to die sometimes because of it. But atleast now I have some clarity and I can see my kids even if it is just for a few hours. At least I can hold them again. I hate the emotions but I'm learning to deal with them. You can to. We all can help each other through experience strength and hope. Just believe that it's meant to get better than this.
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Thanks Jessica!
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Amazing Jessica!! You are a rock star. An inspiration.
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Sorry for your pain. And feelings are temporary.
Hi Jay. I know how you feel I lost a 30 year marriage in February and horrible stuff occurred like i got a DUI. I put my family through a lot with my drinking and my young adult children stopped talking to me I left my home and became homeless, but I went to the Salvation Army adult rehabilitation center in Fresno which is like five hours from my house. I think Craig has a lot of great info and that you should listen to him. All I have found is that the only solution for all of those problems is to stay sober go to meetings get a sponsor and work the steps do the next right thing and leave the results up to God. Now today nine months later, well I have a really good relationship with my kidsAnd I have a new grandson who I’m allowed to be a grandma to I had to earn a bunch of trust. Kids will come around it just takes time. You have to maintain some good sober time under your belt. Kids are forgiving but they won’t understand if you keep drinking. You can do this! It’s great that you are reaching out!
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As a child of an alcoholic who didn't use an opportunity to right his wrong- do an about face. Stop drinking. Change your behavior for the better. Put your kid(s) first. Give him/them the chance to come around when ready. Be patient.
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Thanks Amanda!