I’ve made so much progress the past four years. Their have been a couple relapses and a slip this Christmas but I’m mostly a happy and useful person and I’ve grown from it all. I work as an engineer on big ocean going ships mostly overseas and am away for 2-4 months then home for the same off and on. I got a dui in 2018 that continues to complicate the annual physical I have to do with the Coast Guard. This year I submitted the paperwork late and may lose my position on a very healthy rotation (crew rotates, I’ve found who you spend 4 months on a boat with is about as important as who your sponsor is). Really disgusted with myself not mailing the paperwork in, the equivalent of spending 3 days fine tuning a thousand page essay and forgetting to turn it in. Big life changes like new ships or cities have been big using triggers for me. I’ve been going to more meetings and continue to use recovery tools like Exercise and meditation but there’s a little bird that says isolate and f it. I’m struggling with that. I sat down with an AA friend today and he asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I said I just want to be someone that reaches a point where when they get life changing news, shi& that turns the table, they can accept it and let it rest without skipping a beat. Kind of person that genuinely has the wisdom to know the difference and move on. In the scope of my life’s trail of problems this is very small but it’s showing me imbalance and things I need to work on and for that I’m grateful.
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