sometimes I struggle with the idea in the back of my head that I am not an addict, I have must have just lost a little control. That is obviously false and I can almost immediately brush that to the side and focus on my recovery. Being in the rooms makes me feel so related to and relieved about my disease. However, if I start obsessing over the fact that I have never gotten charges, haven’t lost anyone , and my young age, I can almost convince myself that I recovery is not needed. I know this will lead to relapse if I do not turn my thinking around right away. can anyone relate?
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Good morning,
I have been there. Have you heard of the saying play the tape all the way through???
I have! That’s a great reminder. I especially get this way when I have some clean time under my belt. With that phrase I most definitely know I am fucked if I go back out! thanks 
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I can absolutely relate! In fact I have done just that many more times than I care to admit 
then one day while working with my sponsor we read a passage of the NA basic text that says we weren't looking for recover, we were just looking for relief from the pain. And that was when I was able to refocus myself and my way of thinking and make the decision that I want this recovery no matter what. Whether I'm an addict or not, whether I need it or not, I want it.
We call those “yets”. It’s the things that haven’t happened to us yet.
I was introduced to the program at a young age also. I had a lot of yets. I decided I wasn’t done and got a lot of those yets accomplished in the next few years.
Bottom line is that the elevator is going down if you have this disease and you can stop and get off on any floor before it hits the basement.
Besides, not all of us live to get another chance at recovery. I hope you stay.
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Yeah, it’s tough. We have to have a defense from the first drink of the first job. That’s why I asked about playing the tape all the way through. Are you working steps with the Sponsor?