My dad died recently just as I was trying to get clean. My urge to use is so strong and I'm only 4 days 9 hours 30 mins and 6 seconds. This is hard
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If you can stay sober tho this in your life then you can stay clean tho anything. Getting clean can honor the man's life. If you have a therapist or doctor ask to see what's the best step for you in this time of grief.
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Using right now will only delay facing the reality of your situation. Cheri, you can do this. Stay strong.
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Stay strong…
I’m dealing with the grief too - lost my Dad who was my hero! I take ONE DAY - sometimes 1/2 days at a time….. I have a few friends I call BEFORE I pick up a substance - they always say, “play the tape forward”. Then I realize what “one drink” would actually lead too!
STAY STRONG - and continue to reach out !!! 
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People die, this is a fact we are all aware of. It sucks, but it is part of life. Using will make your life infinitely worse, you already know this. These are two facts that you already know. Stay clean.
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It’s is very hard Cheri! It seems like we are all severely tested early on in sobriety. There is nothing in life that we can improve by adding alcohol!! Sara is right. Play the tape forward!!! You’re on the right path and I think your dad would agree!! Keep doing the next right thing!!! You got this!!!!