Did you ever just wish that you could connect with that one person who just clicked? I've come to believe that it's next to Impossible. Did you ever just want to not be used? To not be taken for granted? I'm so over that. Just me venting, sitting in here in my grand little Palace, surrounded by things and silence and no one of any consequence.
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Vent away. It’s healthy. I feel ya on that loneliness. Yet, rather be alone and sane then geeking out or chit faced.
Learning to be vulnerable after deep pain can feel impossible. But it doesn’t have to be. If you consciously choose to stay open and trusting, you will find that your world changes for the better in ways you may never have imagined.
Of course, it is always right to use our instincts as our guide. You should never set yourself up to be shot down emotionally by someone who doesn’t deserve your trust. But equally, you should not let negative past experiences allow you to believe that it’s not safe to trust again.
Imagine having spent your entire life always having to watch your back literally and figuratively, not just because there are strangers who may want to harm you, but also because even those who are supposed to be close to you could turn against you in an instant.
How difficult do you think it would be to let down the defenses that kept you safe and in some cases, alive, for so long?
In my own world, I’ve struggled with allowing people to really know me because for most of my life, it felt as though I was burned every time I did.
Over time, I learned how to seem friendly but kept virtually everyone at a distance, and those who got too close I rapidly pushed away, sometimes completely out of my life.
I was already struggling to put my pieces back together after several major tragedies in my family, and allowing others in meant (the possibility of) compounding my heartbreak. I just couldn’t handle anymore at the time.Eventually I began to open up, but each time found myself wondering why I had been so naive again. Then there came a point where, slowly but surely, people began to enter my life who showed me what it meant to be able to trust—trust them to show up, trust them to listen, trust them with commitments, and the biggest one of all, trust them with my heart. These people came in the form of friends who are now my family and have had my back in countless ways over the years, and the most surprising and recent of all, I'm insearch of a man who is not only telling me, but showing me, what a man does to express his profound interest beyond just the physical.If I wouldn’t have begun to take down my walls, I may have never found these amazing people. They didn’t appear because I had perfectly learned to trust already. They appeared because I was willing to learn to trust, even if imperfectly.we share a similar outcome in struggling to realize that what once protected us is no longer needed, and in some cases, is actually hurting us further by isolating us from the love we need to heal and move forward.
It’s like taking too much medicine; sometimes a certain amount is necessary to get better, but beyond that it can break our systems down.
We each come to crossroads in our lives where we have to make the decision to let go of our old survival mechanisms in order to grow and make room for something better.
Sometimes what used to protect us becomes what harms us and stifles the capacity for our lives to be open and full of joy, love, and peace.
When it comes to trusting each other, we have to accept that our past is not our present. We have to be able to recognize that what hurt us before is not necessarily what is currently standing before us—even sometimes when the situation looks frighteningly similar, and sometimes even when it’s the same person.Does this mean we won’t ever get hurt again? Nope. That’s a part of life. People will let us down, and we will let them down, but that doesn’t mean our efforts to disassemble our defense mechanisms are in vain.
If we never allow ourselves any vulnerability, we lose out on the opportunity to make incredibly deep and meaningful connections that open up our lives in ways that couldn’t happen any other way.
Those connections draw out the very best within and create a new reality—one where we learn that the only way to know if you can trust somebody is to trust them.I have never open up or have such a long conversation with someone, I always believe in reciprocating efforts, some times more, I hope you find something meaningful from my piece of advice or experiences that I have pass through myself, honestly it's nice really meeting you, I hope I get to see you soon and smile, thinking on how our parts leads us to each other for a purpose
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Thank you Julia, you are quite forthcoming in your analysis. I understand everything you opine on. When I wrote this post 2 months ago, I didn't really comprehend that I was
beginning a journey with someone who I found broken yet so amazingly, wantonly, lovable and with whom I saw so much of myself reflected back at me. I am now in the 'terrified' stage were I realize that my own fallacies, fears and flaws could be my undoing. I have set myself up for that over and over again throughout my life. Wanting to always do right and perfect by the other person. Knowing that I will eventually not be perfect.
Knowing that I will at some time disappoint. It's easier to be alone and stoic. Thank you for all you said, I am stepped out on that branch you so eloquently described as trusting. Maybe one day we might cross paths.
flaws
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Wow that was incredibly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts that are honestly so relatable to everyone struggling to overcome habits that no longer serve you.
The underlying reasons for the way we are so often stem from pain, vulnerability and loneliness. If we can overcome the thought processes that repeat patterns, that’s when we can be at peace with where we are. Wish you all the best.
You're welcome anytime 
feel free to message me, when you want to talk more
Thanks , I'm happy sharing it
Trust is elusive. One gives it and experiences joy in the act of becoming vulnerable and then pain when that trust is forsaken. It is constant. And it's is pure violence against one's heart and soul. Then I try again and hope for a different outcome. Am I foolish?
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It shows that you're living, lol