I know I have a problem with drinking (sometimes). Is it wrong to not wanna stop drinking but control it? I work a lot and live alone. Don’t go really hangout or go to bars/clubs unless it’s a meaningful gathering or after an actual show (rarely). Deal with Ny traffic 6 days a week most of the time and try to get everything done before I get home because I hate having to go back out. Like to have a drink now and then and remember when I felt totally in control. Now I don’t. Can end up binging. Still get up and handle my business. But know I could/ should do better. But that realization usually hits with the hangover. Don’t drink everyday or lose track everyday. But hate that it sometimes happens. Not sure what to do. Plan to join the gym and start taking classes. Not sure if that will be the answer. Especially doing it alone. And don’t wanna impose on people who have committed to not drink at all if I could end up being a bad influence
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking
more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and
sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
D amn. Hate to admit it but you’re right. I envision myself participating in a toast at one of my kid’s weddings, graduations, etc. But wonder if that could lead to another binge (if I was out of the woods). Know the answer is yes and I hate it
What does "have a problem with drinking" mean in your case? Are you concerned that you might hurt yourself or someone else by driving drunk, or otherwise? Are you a different person when you drink? Do you get blackout drunk? Do you alienate people close to you? I think that the reason you think you should consider cutting down or quitting might give a more clear answer to your question.
Definitely fear hurting someone else by driving drunk. Know that would weigh on my spirit. Like I said, hate going back out when I get home. Try not to keep much in the house (partial to scotch by the way) Be a day I’m off at 2. Hit the grocery store will be home by 3. It’s early. Don’t gotta be back till 7am tomorrow. I can have a half pint or just maybe 3 shots right. Multiple times I woke up with another empty pint on the counter that I don’t remember going back to get. Horrible feeling. I don’t alienate people though I do live alone. Many nights I end up on the phone with good friends and relatives that I may not have spoken to in a while. Boredom is definitely a trigger. Trying to find constructive ways to stay busy in my down time so I have less time/ desire to drink. Desire is gonna be something
Thanks Ang,
Please forward any info you think might be helpful. I know it’s a process. I’m trying. In the same boat. I work a lot. Union guy in NYC. Unfortunately some gatherings end up at the bar in the early afternoon. But I avoid those for the most part. Sometimes to go home alone and drink more than I would have drank at the bar. Lol. At the age where I start to see the toll that drugs/ alcohol have on friends/ relatives my age. Have kids/ grandkids. Wanna change before it’s too late. But hard to commit to not drinking at all. But you guys are making me realize that it’s the only way and I have to. Thanks
Rodney, also think about the adverse health effects on your liver, your brain, your heart, etc. Even if you can “manage” all this binge drinking alone, you are really doing damage to your body, maybe irreparably.
You are worth far more than to let other people make money off you by selling you as much toxic substance as you want to buy! I sometimes realize that the folks at the liquor store would sell me whatever, even if they know I’m already drunk. You have to look out for YOU and take care of getting more healthy habits.
Thanks Liz,
I do realize that. Been scolded by my oldest daughter and she sent the police to my house for a wellness check because I want answering my phone. Mind you she was living in Texas and me in Nj. Hearing that from her meant something and actually made me slow down a lot. Just haven’t achieved totally quitting yet. And don’t get me started about those jokers at the liquor store. Sometimes seem upset if you’re not buying “enough “. And when you start buying less, their demeanor definitely changes. Like you’re not buying enough poison lately
You could potentially learn to control it, but the fact is alcohol is a poison and drug that doesn't do any of the things we've considered positive for so many years. So there's really no benefit on having any alcohol, fruit juice or a hamburger are better choices.
You’re absolutely right. Get stuck in believing a celebration always involves alcohol. Though there’s often a toast. Is it wrong to want to be a part of that toast? And if you are, and your drinking ends with that moment. Does it count as a relapse? Working this thing out in my head. Complicated. But know I just need to start taking steps in the meantime. Thanks for helping
After reading the posts thus far, I believe it has been established within yourself that you have the disease of alcoholism. Your body does not metabolize alcohol in the same manner as a non-alcoholic. You cannot control that or change it. Science / nor Big Pharma have discovered a mechanism by which to alter the complex genetic factors involved in the disease of alcoholism. There are numerous genes that affect not only the metabolism (breakdown) of alcohol but also the effect that the alcohol & toxic by-products have upon your body & the neurochemicals in your brain. Alcoholism like diabetes is a disease. There is treatment & the ability to enjoy life despite the illness. It does require a decision, daily action, & consistency. It is not a punishment but a cure for what ails us. What does alcohol give me that I cannot get from another means? What feeling am I trying to quell or what feeling am I trying to obtain by medicating with alcohol? What are my reasons for perpetuating my disease rather than putting it in remission? Scolding never helps in a disease process. We have to look at our big picture & decide for ourselves where we want to be in 5-10 years. Diabetics that choose to ignore blood sugar levels because they ‘feel’ fine can deceive themselves into believing no harm is coming to them. What they are ignoring is the unseen unfelt damage to their nerves, blood vessels, & organs. At some point they will wake up with intense pain in their legs & feet, they may not be able to see through the blood of leaking retina vessels mixing with the vitreous in their eye. Little cuts no longer heal quickly. Ulcers form on their legs. At that point, it is too late to decide if the desserts & potatoes of yesterday are worth the losses of today. The benefit of eating anything yesterday did not outweigh the risk of today. There is no turning back - the damage is done.
The same is true with us. We are the ones that determine our course. We have the power to change the end result if we start now. It is our daily choice to keep ourselves physically fit so that we can live life to the fullest until our last breath. Or, we can choose to ignore our warning signs, deceive ourselves into believing that we are in some mysterious way ‘different’ than the rest of the population with our disease, and one day we will wake up pickled - a liver that no longer regulates chemical levels in our blood, a heart that is no longer capable of adequately perfusing our body, a shrunken partially functioning brain. We are a medical mess with a bleak prognosis. It is too late to decide if I want another short glass of my favorite liquor.
No one gets excited to find out they are plagued with any disease. Everyone has some burden they must carry or a thorn in their side to deal with. It is never by choice & we don’t get to pick our diseases or cancers. However, we do have all of the power when it comes to the treatments we choose & the management of our disease. Our choices today greatly impact our living experiences of tomorrow. I am grateful that I have a disease for which there is a known treatment for permanent remission. I must be consistent with my daily treatment. I think of my treatment like I think of my auto insurance. If I pay the bill, I am insured - I will get a new car if the current car is destroyed. If I do not pay the bill, I am insured that I will be walking if my current car is destroyed. Likewise, if I attend to my disease now, I will have a healthy life; if I ignore my disease now, I will have a painful life in the future.
I pray you find the strength & courage to take up the fight against your disease and march along a healthy path with thousands that are willing to support you when you join the winning journey.
Thanks Jen,
I am learning a lot from you guys about this disease and it’s pitfalls. Discovering some things about myself too. Gotta understand I’m not the same person I used to be. And that’s hard because I still believe I can. That my will is as strong as it once was. But deep down I know it’s not . Remember in my early 30s. Lived alone. Could buy a 5th of Johnny Walker. Had a swinging cradle on my counter. Friends would stop by now and then. We have a shot or 2. Bottle would last 3 weeks. Now I can finish that same bottle all by myself in 2 days. Still wonder where that guy is. Guess part of me refuses to let that part of myself go and believe I could have that much self control again. Remember periods when I was working full time and going to school full time. Would leave my apartment at 5 am and get back 11pm. Was stressful. But I miss that guy a lot
Think why are you taking that first drink?
Boredom
Relaxation
Relief
Avoidance
Try to think about what that first drink is providing and replace it with something else.
You're right, you don't have a drinking problem, you have a stepping problem and the only way to fix that is don't start.
Thanks Moira
The guy with the ‘fun’ life that you loved & enjoyed is still very much alive in you. But like everything in this life, there have been some changes over time that require adaptation. It is part of the aging process and anyone living past the age of 40 soon becomes keenly aware. Our tolerances decrease, our middles may increase, muscles that were very firm get a little soft, skin starts to thin, metabolism slows down, healing may take a little longer because cell regeneration is slower, and any of the damage we did that went unnoticed in our youth starts becoming apparent. However, the heart & soul of our youth is very much alive & doesn’t necessarily understand the physical changes happening for us. We don’t have to stifle the vibrance & joy of our youth, we just make some adaptations to our lifestyle allowing our youthful souls to continue to flourish. We may discover with some wisdom over time that some of our beliefs from our 20’s-30’s were not actually facts; things we may have believed we were controlling were actually in the beginning stages of controlling us. Rarely, if ever, does anyone notice the forming of a deadly cancer when it is just 1 cell - over time, the cells mutate & multiply and when a billion abnormal cells come together in a 1 cm mass, then the CA may be detected if someone is looking for it. Likewise, the growing internal problem from alcohol consumption may not be recognized as a problem in our 30’s. It existed within our individual genetic codes, it was just not fully activated. If one cell of CA was never activated meaning no additional mutated cells, the CA would not thrive. If our disease was not activated through the regular consumption of alcohol, it would not thrive. Look for the healthy adaptations you can make & unleash the guy that you love.
Having had two DWI’s, I can say that your fear of driving drunk is plenty reason enough to abstain from alcohol.
I have struggled for many with both alcohol and other addiction problems. Six rehabs at 38 years old. Never told myself I was a alcoholic until now. I have 133 days completely sober. It is a process, that gets better over time, is seems like you are intelligent and know the answers you are thinking. The higher powers with in are calling for a change, grasp your gut feeling, and your true most inner intentions and run with them i the right direction!!
Thanks for the encouragement Chance. You’re right. I know what I have to do. Mentally preparing myself to commit to it.
Thank you for the replying and I wish you the best, try to do better activities after you commit, and try to eat better, your in a good group and app to ask for help or guidance..
It may be a hard realization that you are an alcoholic. Control drinking will never last. Binge drinking does more damage to your body. I can only suggest that you seek professional help and maybe attend some meetings. Maybe a medication to help with cravings. I know for me I tried control forget it I was out of control in no time. Will be celebrating 33 months sobriety July 3 and have never been happier. Been going through health issues and if I wasn’t clear headed I would have never been able to understand everything. I hope you can find help. 