Anyone sober and going through a divorce?
I’ve been dealing with this situation the entire length of my sobriety. My best days are when I don’t think about it. The last couple weeks have been rough mentally. Attorneys asking for documents. I’m so ready to just be done with this phase of my life. I’m trying my best to not let it consume me. My ex thinks she’s entitled to more then half of our assets. It’s just down right childish to play these games. I need to stay strong. Putting this in God’s hands. It’s all out of my control. Just need to shake this feeling of sadness, Shane, remorse and guilt.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Mostly on how you handled it emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Thank you 
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I had words of wisdom that could help you deal with it on more of a sure footing. If you need to chat hit me up bro.
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Thank you Steven! I’m about one month away from our court date. It’s going to be intense for a minute. It will all be over soon.
Yes, Kevin, I went through a divorce all of last year and relapsed two months after asking for a divorce after 18 months of sobriety. It was miserable. My ex treated me awfully, demanded more than half our assets, had me continue to pay every bill even after moving out, threatened me, etc. The truth is I deserved most of it for how awfully I had treated her for years. All I can say is it gets better over time. I’m sober again and focused on today. I try to avoid engagement with her as much as possible. Hang in there, brother. It will get better!
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Just cut it loose and let her have her way is my advice. Make a clean break and move on with this sober life. It’s just things. Are kids involved? It feels good to get the ugly behind you. Can always get “things” again. You’re young and still got a whole lot of life ahead.
Thank you Ray!
I have zero contact with her as I have a restraining order against me. It’s been over two years now since the separation. This January marks two years since she served me with divorce papers. Next month will be the court date. Kinda just want to let the judge give us the verdict. Split everything down the middle. I’m sober today. I definitely don’t want to drink. Just to end this battle… so stupid over money.
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Mr K Bradford,
Yeah there is our son who is 16 years old. Him and I are in good standing. I’m maybe young but not walking away from my half. That’s all I’m looking for is my half. Split it down the middle. And then leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with her, ever. I wish her a joyous and happy life. And I mean that with all my heart. I pray for her healing, for her forgiveness, and her happiness.
I’m doing well as I’m a very skilled person. Not to worried about what the next years have in store for me as God has shown me so much in this short period of sobriety.
Thank you my friend you’re a good man!
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Well, just was saying if it’s interfering with your sobriety it isn’t worth the “things” is all. Yet, you sound like you know what your doing so good luck figuring it all out. Sobriety first, the rest later.
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I understand what you mean. Thank you
It’s all in God’s hands. I need to keep reminding myself that. It’s hard at times. Talking about helps to.
Yeah my sobriety is beautiful. I can’t go back out cause this time I’ll be dead.
Yep yep it definitely sucks!
I’m not sure your situation or where you live .. but in my state.. she would absolutely get half.. and why do you think she wouldn’t be? Just curious.. I’m separated and have a separation agreement which grants me 1/3 of her income for half the length of our marriage.. also got half of the assets.. I’ve been a stay at home dad for 7+ years.. so that why I get income too
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I hear you, brother! My ex reached out today and asked when she was going to get her money from a work bonus while I was in in patient and that if I don’t get my full bonus end of year, how I plan to financially make it up to her. And I had to 10 step immediately. Another one of those where we aren’t alone. Stay strong!
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I’m not saying she doesn’t get half I’m saying she wants more then half. My proposal offer makes it easier and more then fair on her as we don’t have to transfer in and out of retire accounts, life insurance policies and then sell the house as is. It’s very simple.
I lost my right to alimony due to the restraining order. California rules I guess
Thank you Ray! Women be crazy and greedy. It’s just not right..
my ex makes good money. I’m a working contractor living from job to job. I love what I do but shoot she doesn’t have to act like that. The best part is she has no idea who I am these days.
Good job on the daily reprieve! I’m on it! I Got to start doing them daily not just when I have a problem at work or something like
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When I made amends to my ex wife there was a custody case against me in her state, against me in my state, and a child support case pending. I had 3 concurrent CPS cases because she kept reporting me every time a case got closed. She was also very closely monitoring a criminal case I was facing, as she was looking for leverage.
I invited her in to my house during a child exchange, sat at the dining room table and took responsibility for my part in all of it, and then I grabbed my ankles and asked her what I could do to make it right. She didn’t ask for anything. Court cases were decided by judges. Neither of us questioned decisions. CPS closed the final investigation and no more have been filed. And we are ok. We are civil coparents who figured out how to put kids first.
I know you’ve been making some incredible amends. This one might not be possible or advisable right now but in my case it really let the air out of our battle.
Gods will. And ask yourself if you want to be right? Or if you want to be free?
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Fick I was going to ask u for advice
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Craig, thank you for sharing your story.
I want to make an amends to her so bad. I’ve written about it in my journal. I pray for her forgiveness, well being, to live a joyous life and for God to give her grace. I do believe that it’s all in God’s hands. God will give me the opportunity to make this amends in person. I’m willing. The universe isn’t ready for this to happen. One more year of restraining order. One month until court case. I must be patient. Stay focused on the prize.
I want to be fair. It’s not about being right. I was wrong on my part. It doesn’t mean I give up my half of the marriage either. I’m not fighting her. I’m simply proposing what I think is fair. She doesn’t like it then a judge will give us the final say. And I’m praying to give my the courage to except what the outcome is.
Thank you! I’m sober another day.
I’m glad you and your ex are on good terms now.
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Well ask away! I may have some advice or someone else here may have advice.
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Ok Kevin here it gose !! So all my wife ever wanted was for me to get clean if I will of listening to hear and went when she wanted me to I will of been to rehab like 30! Times I use to always blame her for my drug use cuz my wife is a beautiful person (a B) but has a great heart anywho I didn’t mean to go to rehab and come out the way I did but for the frist time in my 38 years of living I found what help me tho it all why I was there n that talking n been real about my problems and found my voids it’s sad to sad how I feel about her n it hurt to tell someone who u In love with if I have to leave u or use im leaving u this way cuz I know what my down fall or my Hatchew (excuse ) fighting with my # or the lost of my kids is when I know I’ll need help my mom can die today n I’ll be ok with it my brothers sisters notting is stopping me !! Im sure of that it’s life I had a really fick up life but everything I have I got it my self with a good woman by my side but now that I’m different witch wasn’t my plans I was just going to do rehab so my kids or wife didn’t have to see it get help getting off the drugs then got on the shot was all I plan to do. But now it’s not like that n i trun down the shot cuz I have a mission that will be complete it until I get there I’m just an attic chasing a high. She always try to tell me the only reason we fight was cuz I get high now we fighting left n right n I try to explain to her that I can’t stop or lost focus on what I’m doing the min I do then been worrying I told her I’ll do everything from marriage counseling but it need to have something witch recovery in it this is my life for the rest of it so get on the same page fine something to be connected or that will help me get to where I’m trying to the last 4 day been hurtful but I’m sorry to be selfish but I can’t take care of her cuz I’m not fix n it’s not going to happen over night or in 6 m to a year now my fight with this is ever sec. She Italian hardheaded n just Polly want to spend my time with me I always mislead her for the last 17 years but now to me it’s too much for her to the point I can’t come up with anything to make it work so if notting change notting change. We talk yesterday. Mind u life isn’t the way it use to be and if she can’t change then I have no choice but to move on cuz going back to using isn’t a option. I’m happy with my self and I don’t drink or smoke beside cigg cuz I know any of that ship will only block my passion stop my goal so now what here a husband saying so hurtful thing witch in my pass I always mislead her or hold back what on my mind n for me to even think about it I see my life heading the worng Way n I told her this and a lot more then what I’m sharing and no I’m not a pice of ship husband or DAD even when I was on that ship I just wanted to give them me back cuz I was lost n didn’t know who I was anymore so now what cuz I’m doing everything I can but she also need to too
Lex, thank you for sharing your story. Trying to get someone to change is very difficult. My ex tried to change me to what she thought I should be. That made matters worse. I tried to change her to be the wife I wanted her to be. I asked her if she do marriage counseling. I asked her for help. I told her the truth but only after it was too late. I was insane and needed to be kicked out of my home. That’s where my rock bottom hit me. I haven’t been able to talk to my ex for two years. I want to coparent with her. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. To me that shows me she has guilt and shame. I pray to God fir her healing. To live a joyous life.
It’s all about my son now. I do everything I can to show him I’m a new person, father and active member of society.
Have you made an amends to her? What program are you working? Being selfish in the first year of sobriety is what I needed in order to establish my new way of life. From putting up boundaries to having me time it was what I needed at that time. As I stacked up more days in a row the less my selfish ways were. I started volunteering at the local food bank. I just kept working on my mental health. I was able to work on one thing at a time. This was not to overwhelm myself. Which I did a few times early on in sobriety.
How is the relationship with your children? Stay sober my friend. Keep working on changing you. The rest of them either will change with you or you will grow apart. Not many people enjoy change. It’s written in our DNA to be on high alert when changes are being made around us.
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