Does anyone else have someone in there life who they love that is hopelessly addicted and unwilling to get better? I’m trying and succeeding so far in keeping myself sober but I just don’t know how to deal with not being able to help someone I love like this
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That’s an extremely difficult situation to be in. I’m sorry.
At the end of the day I would keep focusing on you. We can’t help someone who doesn’t want help(at the moment). By continuing to work on ourselves we’ll start glowing from the inside out. We pray that we not only set the foundation for us but hopefully our loved one becomes curious or maybe even starts surrendering and is
ready!
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Sometimes people need to hit their bottom before they realize that they need to make a change. Most of that time reaching that point means losing people in their lives that they have always had. You may be one of those people for this person.
I agree with that part of what Joe said, focus on yourself. Keep in mind there will be a point where you will have to make a tough decision. To keep working with this person, or to move on because they are too toxic for you.
That is a huge weight to carry around. First and foremost you need to have YOUR sobriety front of mind. ANYTHING that threatens that needs to be pushed aside. Have you tried going to an ALANON meeting? Have you had the conversations and set boundaries? Keep you head up. I hope you find peace.
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Far too many.. just luv em. They may or may not figure it out.. just luv em.
Simple… to the point… love this!
Recovery groups are the best.. just shows how awful any addiction can be, yet here we are… just trying to stay sober side by side. It works.
Thank you all so much! The meetings I attend really help I’ve meet some great people
We cannot force others to adopt our way of life, as great as it may be. You're still a power of example who carries the message of recovery. Don't waver. We can only recover ourselves. Thank-you for sharing.
Maybe the way to help them most is to focus on yourself. You can be the proof they need in order to realize life gets better!!
There are people in my life who are important to me, and whom I love, that I cannot be around the same way that I used to be. They know why.
Breanna
You're probably not going to like my answer but if you're trying to stay sober with someone in the house who can't, your best solution is separation from that person until they can make the right decision demonstrated by at least a year of action and sobriety. Otherwise it's like playing with fire.
This is your life. Then after a year of sobriety you can both decide whether or not you want to be together. I have to warn you that when we get sober we start seeing through a different set of lenses.
Most people don't want to live by themselves because they are codependent and so it's easier to stay in the storm. I know this because I too was once codependent. It took me years of living alone in sobriety before it made sense.
That's my advice based on my experience and what I've seen.
Good luck
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Thank you so much this helps in ways I can’t begin to explain!!
I am in the same situation now. There is only one thing that I can do. Stay sober and work my program (attraction rather than promotion). When I interact with this person I remind myself of the parts in the BB, they are a sick person, and love and tolerance is our code. Nothing will change until they have the willingness.
Hope that helps.
It’s hard to understand that that is not on you. Because you love them. They need to love themselves first. You need to love yourself first too. It’s very difficult to be in your situation. I was that person, the other person. My ex-wife finally left. I still didn’t see it. It took me getting sick to wake up. We don’t see what others try to show us sometimes. Everyone is on their own journey. Good luck!
I recently had to separate from my girlfriend as the relationship was affecting my recovery. Very difficult decision but I’m not of any use to myself or my partner if I slip. Sobriety comes first everything else shakes out the way it’s supposed to. Just my two cents, relationships can be difficult enough without adding addictive personalities to the mix. Dave pretty much nailed it above the year is very solid advice but difficult to follow