Is it terrible that I have 5.5 years and I still struggle. I have no problem helping others and have great advice. But then I turn around and fight the demons in my head almost every night. Weekends are the worst. I want to drink, but I have so many reasons not to. The feeling and need to self destruct has been strong this past month, kind of like I'm holding on to a frayed rope and it's only a matter of time before it lets go of me.
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Hey holly I have 6 years w a recent relapse I was helping a friend w his mom who has dementia and started having thoughts of drinking again I thought one or two wouldn’t hurt this was after a few weeks of the having a urge to drink it was like the devil would not let up well I drank got a dwi and crashed my truck
That week went to a dr who changed my anti depressant and introduced me to the vivitrol shot which helped reduce my thoughts of drinking it works and I been great for 6 months now without a thought. Hope this helps you!
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I honestly know how you feel…the weekends are very hard for me as well and I’ve only been sober for 26 days.. but as you I too have too many reasons not to go back to ole ME…I also just got diagnosed with PTSD, major anxiety disorder, major depression disorder, cannabis disorder, marijuana and alcohol stimulant and so on…and I won’t take their meds…I tried Lexapro and hated it and it’s side affects…but I did find something to help me with my urges, my depression, and my anxiety,,,, and that is CBD. It helps me I do know that.. either way hold your head up my friend you got I mean 5.5 years that’s really good stay strong…
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Have you tried praying. Upon waking try this: hello! And have that hello go to your higher power. Turn the day over to another to keep control. Go to bed, goodnight to that hp. Are you doing this on your own? Meetings? Steps? Fellowshipping?
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Hey. Don’t give up on what you gained. Sobriety is not easy when drinking is so glamorized. They don’t show the horrible death that also comes with it. Keep reaching out. Go to. Meeting. Watch informational videos on utube. I have 37 months and I educate myself daily. My brother died at 35 no liver left. It was brutal to watch. My other friend was found dead in his car, he bled out from every part of his body. A drink just isn’t worth it. Stay strong. Keep reaching out. You got this. 
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Hang in there Holly! I’ve struggled in that way too. I’ve found that the way I feel about my sobriety and the world around me is directly related to my spiritual fitness. As well as my tendency to myself at the center of all things. Sometimes I have to zoom way out and look at the big picture. I’m not exactly sure why God put me on this Earth. But I’m absolutely positive it wasn’t so I could drink myself to death in pursuit of personal pleasure!! I know it’s hard sometimes but this world wouldn’t be as beautiful without the very best version of you!! Hang in there!!!
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I went through similar at 5-6 years sober. I was sponsoring 6 guys, tons of service and so on. But I was falling apart and considered eating a bullet.
I tried everything I could think of and followed all advice. Nothing worked until I started a very simple meditation and meditated 3 times daily, morning, noonish and night. Then I opened up and learned many different techniques of meditation.
Meditation was and is a huge game changer for me.
Drinking was not an option. I know that only make everything worse. I friend request you and you can DM me if you want to. Either way, hang in there.
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Checkout Alan Carr's quit drinking without willpower book. I've not been perfect since reading it, but it really has helped me understand how alcohol does and doesn't work, and why I don't have the desire to drink anymore.
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It's interesting how we can be of service to others and actually be their inspiration, but inside, we are struggling. I am a CRS, so I help people every day, but..am I a fake? I struggle with it still to this day. Yes, I'm sober, but I want to use it, and sometimes I'm triggered and tempted. Of course I realize the risk is more than th reward. I have kids and a career and finally have my stuff together. But still deal with the devil trying to tell me i am not doing as well as I thought.
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Thank you for the story. I lost my fiance to a drunk driving accident. He was not the driver but was the passenger and intoxicated. I am glad you are okay.
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Everyone’s process is different. Lots of us spent many years addicted and so it takes time to rewire that. May need to do DBT to create a new life. But no it’s very normal to still suffer from cravings. Life is about suffering it’s j how we react to it. Humans are creatures of habit. Give yourself grace. One day at a time 
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Have you studied emotional sobriety? I recommend 12 essential concepts of emotional sobriety by Dr Allen Berger
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Hi Holly, I’m back in recovery and have just under 2 months sober after a 4 year relapse. I’ve been in and out of AA for 17 years. Lots of good comments here and for what it’s worth I’d just like to remind you how awful life becomes if for no other reason to stay sober just for a moment until you can detrermine what really can support you. Like they say in meetings I went out again and I can report that drinking still destroys lives. I have made life a living nightmare but after just. 2 months I’ve fixed so much. Please do whatever it take to stay sober, I wish you well and pray for you. You have what it takes, no doubt.
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I follow Sober Is Cool on FB and they post great stuff alllllllllllll the time and one of the quotes that sticks with me is "One day or Day One". I've been in therapy and AA and have only been at that since February of this year and just had a recent relapse and lost my job and was drinking at my son's 10th birthday party - the ONE thing he didn't want.... All I can say is DON'T DO IT. It's not worth it. If you need ugly reminders you can use mine. I ruined soooooo much in just 2 weeks. Don't go back out there. There is SO much at risk. There is no problem that a drink won't make WORSE. If you like helping people, then people like me need people like you to show us that it can be done and that you don't give up. Please, seriously, please, just don't it. Put today to rest and tomorrow God-willing we'll be blessed with another 24. You've got this. You. Are. Worth. It. 
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Hi Holly, I will say the same as some the others. Getting proper mental health care helped go to a different plain of sobriety. My doctor has a lot of experience with alchies and addicts. He takes me of some and adjusts think depending on the situation. Such as increasing anti depressants when my wife left after I was a year sober. I also understand the struggle. I have 29 months and I told someone new about my struggles and I got told of and called a liar. The greatest lesson I learned was even my friends with decades still struggle at times. It is great that you recognized it and reached out. Stay strong.
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The DREAM. THE STRUGGLE AND THE PRIZE. THERE IS A REASON FOR STRUGGLING. BE GRATEFUL FOR THE TIME YOU HAVE.(TIME) THINGS I MUST EARN. IM IN YEAR 36 AND STRUGGLE IS A PART OF LIFE. . BE WILLING TO HAVE THE RIGHT PERCEPTION OF THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY.
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Been there.
It’s time to dig into your program and find what’s missing. Start the steps with your sponsor again. Maybe with a new sponsor.
Mine was a failure to remember that I’m powerless over alcohol. This was brought on by and incomplete 4th and 5th step.
Drop the rock and it will get better, don’t and the restless irritable and discontent will continue.
The frayed rope. Many of us know the feeling. Just know that bc of your success and determination, YOUR frayed rope is stronger than the average one. It will hold if you let it. Sounds like you are, and your feelings are perfectly "normal" (whatever the heck that means!)