Don’t know what’s happening today but the urges to go screw up are very strong. It sure doesn’t help there is no support at home.
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You have us for support keep pushing forward and remember why you choose recovery you can do it reach out if you need to
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How about attending a meeting? 
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Feel you man👊. I suggest in person AA meetings. Recovering alcoholics & addicts are my tribe. They understand & support. Or at least not judge harshly.
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Urges to screw up a great way of putting it
I know exactly what you mean
Good luck
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