I've made it to 10 days 
On the one hand I'm proud of me, but on the other hand I'm filled with sadness. I caught myself crying in the bathroom this morning. For weeks now my husband has been so distant. Barely gives me a kiss, doesn't touch me at all. Barely engages with me. I can't blame him because in the recent past I've confused him, frustrated him, pissed him off, embarrassed him and who knows what else. He knows I'm trying and says he can't fault me, but how does treating me like a pariah help my recovery? I know in my heart I need to give him the space he needs but it hurts 
While I want to celebrate my successes, I'd like to share it with him because that further encourages me to continue my sobriety. So why haven't I said something? I don't do conflict. I know I need to dig deep and work through the uncomfortable feelings though. I really don't want to hear again how much I've hurt him, frustrated him and confused him. This really sucks, but it just reminds me how much alcohol has taken from me. If you're still struggling with whatever the substance, just remember, it's really not worth it. Sorry for the rambling.
Well, honestly if my husband supports my drinking, then I am DRINKING. If I lose his approval, then I am scrambling to clean up the mess and get sober. He needs time to heal as well. Say that you are sorry and maybe suggest a therapy visit together.
I have apologized. I know he doesn't trust that I'm going to stay sober. I know that he doesn't understand addiction. I just don't know how WE begin to heal.
Mine does not get it either. Just keep being sober.
10 days sober is a mini milestone and that is great but ask yourself how long have you been a drunk? We don't mess up our lives overnight & we don't fix them overnight either. This takes time. Living with an active alcoholic is not easy by any means, as you mentioned by the things you put him through. He has to process this & heal on his own time. You can start this by practicing living amends. Let him see the change in you before you even notice it. That will take time. Keeping sober (working a program makes this easier for many) is the first step. And when you're not drinking, it's easier to do the next right thing.
Hey Ari! Relationships are hard. Repairing relationships in early sobriety are very hard. I’m with Steve on this. Be patient with your spouse. I know you are all gung ho about your recovery, but your spouse has been hurt over and over again. Words are not going to fix it. Actions over time are the only way to build back trust. I’m struggling with this myself right now. Our spouses do want us to get sober, and do want to trust again. They are doing the best they can under the circumstances. I know it’s hard not to get frustrated and defensive. They just don’t understand. The best thing you can do is work your program and tell him you appreciate his love and patience with all of this. Try to understand his point a view. At the same time, don’t dwell in your past mistakes. It’s a very tough balance. It’s a struggle. You are not alone. So many of us have either gone thru or are going thru this very same thing.
I hear you. I understand, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I know this won't be easy.
Thanks, we went down this road about 20 years ago and I stayed sober for 5 years. We've talked in bits and pieces over the last few days and when he admitted that he could try harder to communicate with me instead of asking closed ended questions, I told him I preferred it if he would ask direct questions and really talk to me. I had to learn to say "I'm having a day" when I made my first serious step to quit all those years ago. Yesterday was a bad day for me emotionally. I came home yesterday evening and cooked dinner but didn't feel like eating so I went upstairs. After he ate he came up and talked to me. I still couldn't say what was wrong but I admitted that it was emotionally just a bad day. I know he needs to heal so I didn't want to say that in the process of his healing it was hurting me because he has other stuff going on emotionally too. I shouldn't assume that it's all about me so I didn't say anything. Later before going to bed he actually hugged me. I know he cares but things are so much harder this time around. I've been trying to find an addictions coach, but it's hard because most are connected with a rehab program. I'll keep keeping on tho. Thanks for the supportive words.
It definitely takes time. Actions will definitely speak louder than words. Hugs
I’m right there with you Arie. I’ve got 30 years of ups and downs invested in my relationship with my wife. Too many blessings to count, but so much wreckage that needs to be healed. While it takes 2 to tango, I take responsibility for not handling things properly, and then absolutely destroying things with my addictions. So many reasons to stay and be patient, and only 1 reason to walk away…giving up because I don’t want to work thru the pain of healing with my wife. As long as she’s willing, I must be willing as well. We are not alone. Unfortunately, there are so many broken relationships and lives as a result of this illness. May we find the strength and courage to walk thru the fire.