Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Isolation/ Spiraling

Struggling Help
#1

Im not ok. Very sad but it is deep and hidden. Locked away. I am allowing my life to be hijacked by the old patterns and cycles. Seeing
it happen, Then adding more pain because I feel Iv not hurt enough.

Making myself isolate, pull away, disappear from everyone.

Shame adds more pain and guilty sentence paid in more active addiction.

My grief is multiplied. List of problems that I turn a blind eye to growing.

Mr. Hyde is writing a story in misery of a long painful lonely existence where I only hurt others that I allow to get close.

Im done trying to act better than I am. Im spiraling. Im powerless over my ability to stop once I start.

On my best days I have no idol time but im running at 150% as hard as I can, and when i finally stop I turn around and Mr. Hyde is there to try to pursue soothing my pain.

#&@(@!Q!!!!

Tick tock…. Time goes by and soon my card will be called. Im watching my life go by as im bound tighter by the ropes of this addiction. Iv got to get out.

Scared, lonely, tired, exhausted. And when Hyde takes over in those moments I don’t give a @&#$*.

-Dr. Jekll

3 Likes
#2

You are stronger than Mr. Hyde and you need to believe it because you are. I can promise you, you are not alone in all these feelings you’ve described. You have the awareness it takes to break free so what can you do different right now in this moment to break the pattern?

1 Like
#3

I don’t know. But there are a few things that resonate. Iv not talked to my best friend in 5 months, due to a fallout from my using. I called him Today and we set up a tentative plan to talk.

It’s not inclusive to get me out of this but I know I cannot avoid people I love when I know Im in the wrong.

1 Like
#4

Good for you :white_heart: rooting for you my friend

#5

Thank you.

#6

Been there too many times to count! I had to let all that sh*t go.
My surrender finally came after multiple near deaths and many incarcerations. I surrendered to the winning side, the program of AA.
I’m here if you want to talk. Are you working the steps w a sponsor?

1 Like
#7

Thank you brother. I really appreciate it. The opportunity is there, but I’ve dragged my feet for too long. I know I have to start taking suggestions. There is power there.

#8

Doing the steps with a sponsor really helped me rid myself of, or at least lock my demons up.
I sponsor if ur interested

1 Like
#9

This is me everyday

#10

Thank you I get it. Im starting to come out of the fog…