We come into this world innocent and then we grow up in this world where American culture sold me an image of s€x, drugs, rock & roll, in which I effectively purchased to "rebel". The glamorization of addiction has become an unrelenting ethos of our society where drinking presents the image of maturity, freedom, and entertainment. All drugs are unconsciously framed as sexy and appealing, because everyone wants to be bad on some existential level; I can’t deny it. We're like fallen angels of some sort repeating this lifestyle that inevitably will cause us to descend into our addiction. I attempted living a life in moderation but that almost never worked for me as it's ruined friendships, relationships - everything and everyone around me. What's worse, I became my worst enemy. If I try to hard to be good, I found myself to be self righteous and nobody wants to be around that energy. The extremes can be destructive, even under the guise of virtue. Coming to terms with the mindset of completely being obedient in my sobriety was the best solution for me, yet I'll allow myself to be bad other places. Excite the darkness, be rebellious, indulgent, chaotic, and outright hedonistic in my creativity, love, and passion for life — visceral in getting what I want during my time on earth. From time to time, the dichotomy of my sobriety keeps me up at night but I'll lose sleep for thought any night.
If you've read this, thanks for listening.
❤🩹
